APOLOGIES

Sorry for the lack of updates, been busy packing for my trip to Taipei!! :D:D Am leaving in 2 more days, cannot wait to get away from Singapore and have a week to myself :) Also, planning my itinerary. Anyone has a spare camera to lend me? I'll return it in its original condition! :B

Oh and it's my 8th month with Junhao today! Too bad we can't meet, since he has SJAB.

Anyway, why are certain girls so goddamn confusing? I know it's a bit weird for me to say this, since I am a girl myself, but seriously... I don't understand how girls work. I'm not saying I am better or simple or anything, nor am I trying to imply I'm an enigma or anything. I'm just saying that the more I read girls' blogs, the more I am confused about whether do they actually mean what they say.

First, these girls claim that anonymous hate-taggers are so immature, that "keyboard-warriors" are so 2006 and only primary school students do that. Then they go on to hate-tag someone anonymously. Huh? I know I'm not supposed to know that they are the same person, since it's anonymous, but I have my sources, and my friend told me that Girl B's blog has been spammed by Girl A and Girl A is one of those girls who incessantly preach that anonymous hate-taggers = immature. Ummmm

(Anyway, been receiving negative comments lately. Anonymous, obviously. Sigh, so what if I whine too much or my stories make no sense? At least I have more guts than you; I don't anonymously un-constructively criticize people. Oh btw I find the term "keyboard-warriors" so cute. I always imagine a ninja holding up a keyboard instead of a katana and using it to hit people. HAHA.)

Second, they claim that they'll never go back to this particular ex, that it's over for good, that she knows he's no good, that she'll be with anyone but him... then in a few more weeks or months, voila! They're together! I'm not saying this is wrong, I'm just saying it's kind of contradictory. And it is, and it's none of my business, but I have a right to say what I want to say so there.

Third, girls that post stuffs like, "This is my blog, my platform to express myself and my opinions. So if you don't like what I post, then don't read, as simple as that. This is my blog, so respect it." Then proceed to bash another girl for blogging about some matters, saying that the girl is "stupid" for saying so. Um... contradictory much? ._.

Okay that rant was totally random hahaha :B

Oh and I cannot stand it when I come across a girl who thinks that her life is incomplete without a boyfriend!!! Yes, yes, I get it, you crave for love and someone who will love you back. But that doesn't mean you are less of a human being because you are single. You're not "alone" just because you're single - hello, you have friends for a reason, family for a reason. They will ALWAYS be there for you! And just because you don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're butt-ugly or unwanted or something's wrong with you.

And you are not pathetic if you don't have a boyfriend, you are only pathetic if you think your life is incomplete and desolate if you don't have a boyfriend.

And no, you don't love someone because you need them - you need someone because you love them. And if you say you love him because he's handsome, you're only in love with physical appearances and physical appearances will fade with age and so will your love.

That's just my honest opinion, so if you want to contradict me, then do it with respect.

Oh and also, if you find that you constantly need to change yourself to please your man, then I think you should just do yourself a favour and ditch him, no matter how much you love him. Because he doesn't love you. So why torture yourself? If a man loves you, he won't force you to become someone else; he'll love you for being you and won't want anything else, he won't want you to change. And he'll appreciate your individualism and not want you to conform to standards, such as his friends' standard or his standard itself.

And nobody will love you the way you want them to, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. They love you in their own way, so embrace it, dwell in it, appreciate it. Instead of complaining how he doesn't do anything for you. Most probably, the reason why you feel that way is because you're blind to what he sacrifices for you because he doesn't do it the way you want him to do. So learn to open your heart, and stop complaining.

I've learned along the way that complaining doesn't get you anywhere... if you feel wronged or judged or whatever, instead of complaining, you have to get out there and do something about it. Only then will things change in the tide of your favour. You want the world to change, then go ahead, you have to be the change! Those who only know how to complain will never be satisfied. In this life, we will have to make our own happiness, our own peace. And it never comes if we don't work for it, so work we must, instead of sitting idly back and complaining.

Like what Jennifer said to me before, we must never be silenced by fear. People will say things to discourage you - tell you that you will fail, that you will be the mockery of the century, that you will be the disgrace of humanity, et cetera. It'll instill fear in you, that you'll never succeed, so you become like them, complaining; whining for things to be better... when you should be out there making life better.

Basically, I don't really care about what people tell me nowadays. I'm a good person, I know that. Yes, I might be ugly, I might be unattractive, I might speak too much for my own good, I might be overly dramatic, I might be too proud of myself, but generally, I'm a good person and I revel in my goodness. :D HAHAHA.

Omg didn't realize how long this post has become heh kudos to you if you read everything. :B

Excerpt from a short story I wrote a few months ago

"Eventually, the heart repairs." She says it plaintively, as though she does not really believe in it. Her fingers are trembling. She has long, slender fingers. Her nails are perfectly oval-shaped. And it is trembling. "Eventually, the heart repairs." She mutters it again, as though to reassure herself, not me.

We sit in the thick silence for a while. It is then I realized you could actually hear silence, although it is meant to be silent. It is a dark, misty night. The moon is covered by clouds, and the stars seem to also be in hiding.

"Are you really leaving me?"

I open my mouth to start a sentence, then pause and stare at her for a while. She is a really beautiful lady. Her hair is long, to the waist. It's ebony black. She has a center parting. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched, her eyes are double-lidded and almond-shaped, her nose is sharp and her mouth is shaped like a rosebud. Perfect. She is perfect, I thought.

"Yes."

She moves her head to look at me. Her perfect almond-shaped eyes are overflowing with sadness in the form of tears, and even so, she still looks perfect. Her rosebud lips are trembling; pouting. I embrace her, and stroke her hair to calm her down, and told her I am sorry - that I had no choice.

"My mother told me that line. 'Eventually, the heart repairs,' she told me, when I was a wee kid. I was crying that day, because my grandmother - her mother - just passed away, and I was awfully close to her. It felt like a piece of me died as well. My heart broke. I told my mother that. My mother was crying as well. We all were - my mother, my father, my older sister, and me. When I told her that, she quietly whispered to me, as though it was a secret, that particular line."

She stopped.

"Did you believe her?"

"Yes. I believed her."

"Believe, or believed?"

"Believed. I no longer believe in it. Yes, the heart repairs. But once broken, it will never be as beautiful and pure as before. The heart is damaged. Even when repaired, it has been damaged and it will never be the same again. Eventually, the heart repairs, but you're still broken inside."

"Kind of like a lizard tail, huh? Once it has been chopped off, it won't grow back as majestic as before."

"That's a weird way of putting it, but I guess you could say so."

And that was our last conversation together, before I materialized into the air.

It really is.

I asked you to stay, but like an elusive butterfly, away you flew. I couldn't even reach out to pull you back down so you could be next to me; you were just that fast. Like you couldn't wait to be rid of an annoyance like me. I'm sorry - am I really such a waste of time to you? I'm sorry. I should have just been happy all the time, so you wouldn't be tired of listening to me whine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It seems like nowadays, people only know how to criticize others.

And lately, I've been getting a barrage of criticisms, and I am sick of hearing the same shit every single bloody day.

I'm an incompetent chairman. I'm a hopeless fiend. I'm a shameless flirt. I'm a ignorant bitch. I'm proud and snobby. I'm an egoistical girl. I think too highly of myself. I'm a braggart. I'm selfish. I'm a lying bitch. I'm weird. I'm a stupid prick. I'm ugly. I'm annoying. I'm a loser. I take advantage of people and their kind intentions. I'm fake. I'm a lousy friend. I always seek for attention. I want people to pity me. I want people to think that I'm the victim. I'm controlling. I'm conceited. I'm rude. I'm unappreciative. I'm attention-seeking. I act as though my English is the best when it is not. I'm a cheat. I'm condescending. I look down on others. I act like a Samaritan, when I'm a beast. I'm not helpful. I only think for myself. I'm dirty. I'm unorganized. I'm too flippant.

And the list goes on.

What more do you want to say? Seriously. Don't you think that this is enough? Constant insults every single fucking day, it is annoying, it is sickening, and I don't even cry anymore. I'm so used to the backlash.

Look, if you think you're so bloody good, then fine, go ahead and do my job. I'm an incompetent chairman? Go ahead, take my duty. I'm a hopeless fiend? Go ahead, be me. I'm a lousy friend? Go ahead, be my friends' friend. And prove to me, that you are a better human.

If not, shut the fuck up, and leave me alone.

Woohoo

MY LIFE IS TRULY COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Went to MPH Warehouse Sales with Huishan today. :) We were both in our own paradise. In my heart, I was doing a joyous dance because I was surrounded by rows and rows and rows of books and I never knew such exhilaration and clarity until then.

(Alright, I'm just exaggerating.)

But seriously. I radiated HAPPINESS. People who brushed past me probably smiled for no reason at all because of the happiness that was dripping out of every single pore of my body.

(Alright, I'm still just exaggerating.)

I'm a happy, happy, happy girl lalalalalalalala nananananaanana BATMAN BATMAN nananana BATMAAAAAAAN nananana BATMAN!.