an overflow of words

2010-04-07T22:31:00.003+08:00

I wish I was good enough for everybody.

I wish I was good enough for you.

You're not complaining, but I can see it in your eyes. The disappointment. Oh, sorry - it's not just in your eyes; the disappointment's etched in your face as well. You deserve better. But you are stuck with me.

I am sorry. I wish I could get rid of myself, too.

2010-04-06T23:20:00.006+08:00

I shall dissect my previous previous post for you and show that the post actually have good intentions, even though I use quite a few expletives.

-

I think that people who constantly blogs about their smiles being forced and happiness being pretended are all liars and are bullshitting to get sympathy.

Of course I think that you are bullshitting. So you're faking all the time? You're never happy? Even when you laugh, it's forced? So you're like, a freaking 24/7 liar? An actor working full-time for the rest of your life?

Sorry, makes no sense to me.

And I feel especially annoyed if they’re my friend. So what? I can’t make you happy? Our time spent together was actually a lie, because your laughter was faked and smiles forced out?

And OF COURSE I WILL BE ANNOYED. We're close friends, and we've so many good times together, and then you blog about your happiness being faked, your smiles being faked, your laughter being faked, ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, and... so our time spent together, when you said you enjoyed your day with me, all that is a lie? :(

Breaks my heart.

Look, if you’re sad, then just fucking tell me you’re sad instead of pretending to be fucking happy and then blog about no one understanding you. Yes, you’re a fucking wonderful actor. So don’t blame your friends for not understanding you; it’s not our fault that you’re putting up a facade.

How am I being mean and insulting here? I'm telling you to please confide in me, so that I'd be able to better understand you... is this mean? I can't see through your "mask" or your "facade", because I trust you to be happy in my company, but you suddenly shatter my delusion by telling me you've been pretending all these time. Maybe it is my fault for not understanding you, but can you really blame me when you've been telling me that you've been happy??? I TRUST YOU. Jeez.

What, we’re supposed to see through it? How? We trust you to be happy in our company. How the fuck are we supposed to know you are dying inside? I can’t read your mind, I am sorry. Just tell me what the fuck is going on and I will do my best to help you.

I APOLOGIZED!!! I APOLOGIZED HERE. HOW.AM.I.BEING.MEAN?! :( I'm telling you that I'm willing to listen to you, to hear you out, to understand you and your situation, and that I'll be here for you. I will help you. I'm not being mean or cold-blooded or anything. I'm being nice! Loving! Sweet!

Wahlau eh just because I threw in a few fuck doesn't mean I'm scolding you right. Doesn't mean I'm trying to control you or whatsoever right. I'm CONCERNED for you. And you just... broke my heart like this. :'(

Shall cry myself to sleep now. Sob sob.

(PS: Yes, actually that post was meant for nobody. It was just a complain because ever since secondary 1, I've been viewing posts like that. For example, Albert's. That was in the past though, he's much better now hehe. But yes. This post was just a complain. Don't know why everyone went to assume assume assume. ASSUME will make an ASS out of U and ME. Hahaha!!! Ok. Not funny.)
(PSS: Yesssss the "yous" in this post is not just for one person, it's directed to MANY who've accused me of blatantly maligning them. It's not true. :'( I won't complain about a specific person on my blog one... I have guts, people, I have GUTS!!!)

Bloody hell,

2010-04-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

if I don't specify who the hell I'm talking about in my posts, please don't go about assuming that it's you. My previous post? A general statement after bloghopping a thousand people's blogs and reading the fucking same statement again and again, "Nobody understands me, I have no true friends, nobody is there for me, why is my life so fucked up?" Like... oh shut up.

I don't find my previous post offensive in any way either.

And actually, I do have guts. If you're my friend and I'm pissed off with you, I'll tell you instead of blogging about it, okay?

(Note: See, this is what I mean when I say I can't really post what I want to post these days. People will just fucking assume. Ah fuck you lah just ask me face-to-face leh, instead of telling your friends I'm badmouthing you??? :@ Never even confirm with me then you go around talk shit. Wtf.)

Anyway. My boyfriend's damn cute. I asked him to come online to talk to me because I can't sms + I'm in no mood to talk. He replied, saying that he can't, because his phone's MSN not working. Bloody cute, because... then what's his laptop for? Laughs out loud~

I think

2010-04-04T23:53:00.001+08:00

that people who constantly blogs about their smiles being forced and happiness being pretended are all liars and are bullshitting to get sympathy.

And I feel especially annoyed if they’re my friend. So what? I can’t make you happy? Our time spent together was actually a lie, because your laughter was faked and smiles forced out?

Look, if you’re sad, then just fucking tell me you’re sad instead of pretending to be fucking happy and then blog about no one understanding you. Yes, you’re a fucking wonderful actor. So don’t blame your friends for not understanding you; it’s not our fault that you’re putting up a facade.

What, we’re supposed to see through it? How? We trust you to be happy in our company. How the fuck are we supposed to know you are dying inside? I can’t read your mind, I am sorry. Just tell me what the fuck is going on and I will do my best to help you.

Assembly performance

2010-04-03T14:32:00.002+08:00

On the 25th of March, 1/3 of my Lit class performed during the school's assembly! We put up a reenactment of To Kill a Mockingbird and I was acting as Scout. I think we did magnificently, although some teachers chose to criticize us instead. :)

Group photos! I was wearing berms, but I've changed to my school skirt already. :B

Hello, hello

2010-04-02T23:40:00.002+08:00

It has been a super long time ever since I blogged here! Like, going to be 2 months already. My last post was on the 11th of Feb, and it's the 2nd of April now.

And through this period of time, I've been so fucking happy! Delirious with joy and felicitations! Hehe. I'm blessed to have an amazing family, amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. It's going to be our second month tomorrow, and I'm very sure that we'll last for years because he's amazing and I'm awesome and together, we cannot fail. ;) Yes, I'm so logical.

I don't regret 2009 though. I'm glad that I was with JH, because, well, that relationship taught me what love really is.

So... update you guys with pictures! I still don't have a camera, but Mr Yip is very nice to lend me the school's DSLR for a couple of weeks :)

140310 - Shopping with Alicia + Dinner with Jingheng

She looks so adorable here!

150310 - Date with Jingheng before he leaves for Genting for 3 fucking days

My handsome boyfriend hehehehe.

Wearing his old hoodie! There's a story about this hoodie, actually. Last year, like around February 2009, I was really bored and it was midnight and I was hungry as well and we were talking and I suggested going to Mac so he fetched me at my block and we walked to 201 from my block and while walking there, a thunderstorm brewed and I was only wearing a singlet and shorts and I was absolutely freezing and he lent me this particular hoodie to wear.

That was when he fell for me, hehe. Too bad he had to wait for another year before he got me :P

190310 - Picnic with HS and Joanne
We only meet up during the holidays, so poor thing right!! We're always so caught up in school-work, sigh. :(

Blur photos because the auto-focus stopped working and I couldn't figure out how to use the manual focus until like, 5 hours later. (inserts very sian face here)

I love this photo of the two of them because they both look so happy!

200310 - Picnic with Carol, Jen & Jolene

200310: UG Gala Night Dinner
Only 2 photos because I was the photographer that night = very few photos of my ~~pretty~~ face!

Aravindas...

and Alan!

Yeah, that's pretty much all. There's a few more photos, but I'm getting lazy, so... the next time I update, I'll upload! Because they're from other cameras, so need to sort out and everything. :o

KBAIIIIIIIIIIIIS. ;)

2010-02-11T22:51:00.001+08:00

Temporarily moved back to wlftw due to loss of camera.

Expect an overflow of words.

2010-02-09T16:38:00.002+08:00

Today, after school, I went with Alicia to buy her school shoes at 201. So we took bus 8, and I walked to the overhead bridge as I always cross to 201 using the overhead bridge.

Alicia then exclaimed, "Are we walking to the zebra head crossing?"

English fail hehehehehe. :P

2010-02-07T19:40:00.000+08:00

It’s not a surprise that I found myself, once again, staring up at the moonlight, searching for answers - why does life have to be the way it is? Why do people do the things they do? And with a heart so big, it’s really a shame to watch it go to waste on undeserving people with their counterfeited compliments and simulated sympathy. I’m worthy of so much more than what I’m standing for. But why do I even want to live in a world full of prejudice? If I don’t push myself to extremities, how shall I ever be discovered? And how slim are the chances of discovery at all? And once faith is lost, is there no point of return? Once you get that far, I guess the only question is - do I sink or do I swim?

5 lessons about the way we treat people

2010-02-07T17:44:00.002+08:00

1. Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

“What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely, ” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson... I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. Pickup in the Rain.

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960’s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: “Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s’ bedside just before he passed away… God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.”

3. Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.
“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

“Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins.

“I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4. The Obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King’s’ wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5. Giving When it Counts.

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?” Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

(via kristine-theceomermaid)

2010-02-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

My one true love just abandoned me.

My first and very precious and very beloved digital camera has ran away from me.

My heart is totally shattered. :( This is so upsetting urgh this is even worse than Junhao breaking up with me! I mean, the PAIN AND ANGUISH AND SUFFERING of it all. Seriously. I'm not joking. IT HURTS VERY BADLY!!!!!! :( :( :(

I don't know how I am going to survive without my precious love. I feel so empty. :(

Oh my god kill me please why am I so fucking careless urgh I want to die urgh kill me urgh fuck urghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-05T19:26:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the boyfriend to shower before meeting me. :B

Things I need to make clear

2010-02-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't care for my friends;
Likewise, it also doesn't mean you guys don't have to care for me anymore;
Why? Because I prioritize my friendships with you guys over my relationship because you guys are more important to me;
Again, that doesn't mean I don't care about Jingheng, because I do;
It is just that I've been close friends with you guys for so long that I'd rather lose a boyfriend than lose you guys all together;
So please don't accuse me of caring more about Jingheng because I care more about you guys than I do for him.

Sigh.

Semakau Island + Kusu Island excursion

2010-02-04T20:09:00.013+08:00

I love the sunset. :)

After the trip, reached the school at 7pm+ and met Jingheng and had dinner together and he asked me out so yup! I am attached again. :B

OKKKK BAI.

At the library

2010-02-04T09:04:00.002+08:00

Considering the fact that from Tuesday to Friday, I have a free period to do whatever I want since I don't take Chinese anymore, and that I can go to the library and use the computer [and the computers here are really professional since they've just been upgraded and the keyboards are so sleek omg I am serious when I say this: TYPING ON THIS ACER KEYBOARD IS ORGASMIC], I should be feeling pretty damn lucky.

So I am feeling pretty damn lucky, but I am supposed to be studying for my Physics test later on, but I cannot be fucked because... seriously? Physics? I DON'T CARE!!!! Ok I know my study attitude sucks. But hello, we are talking about PHYSICS! Physics = cocksucker. -_-

So I don't feel very lucky anymore because I am still bogged down with tests.

Luckily I enjoy going for CLB lessons because everyone there is nice :)

Anyway, I think something is wrong with Mr Cheah because he claims that my Physics is very good and that I did very well for last year SA2 when I asked him if I could go for Physics remedial as well. I mean, like, hello, I know I am very attentive in class and all, but my Physics still suck. Hello, C5 for Physics last year. It is only due to my A1 in Chem that I got an A2 for my Combined Science. :B

And yes I am very bored because Jennifer is photocopying notes for her boyfriend [ok fine, classmate, but whatever] and leaving me here all by my lonesome urgh!!!!!!! :( No one to talk to. Kevin is beside me but he is very anti-social. Ok I think he just dislikes me. And then DJ and JH are over at the next few computers but they're also very anti-social.

So I am very bored.

Trying to dawdle away time. But it is impossible because.... I can't go to Tumblr, because some of the people I follow uploads pictures of naked women/men or half-naked, and I'll be accused of viewing pornography when I'm not. I can't message because I have limited messages (1000) and if I exceed them, my dad will personally kill me. I can't talk because there's nobody to talk to [STUPID JENNIFER].

:(

I am very bored oh my god KILL ME NOW. :(

Oh Girl Guides later on too. I am teaching them KNITTING!!!!! So exciting. (Note the sarcasm)

I want to eat prata.

Ok bye I shall fritter away time by reading other people's blogs' archives. B)

So...

2010-02-03T23:10:00.003+08:00

I've moved on. Yes, I still do miss him. Yes, I still do have some feelings. But they do not matter to me anymore. I'm not bothered by them anymore. I actually have space in my heart for someone else.

Thus, I've decided to accept N after several days of contemplating if I should. HAHA. I told him that it won't be fair for him since I still do have some feelings, but he said that he doesn't mind, so......... :)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

2010-02-02T18:33:00.002+08:00

Albert says (6:31 PM):
*I am mothafucking naise
*AHAHAHAA
w e i l i n g says (6:31 PM):
*to everyone else but me
*D:
Albert says (6:31 PM):
*NO LOR YOU'RE LIKE THE MOST EXCEPTIONAL ONE SO I TREAT YOU BEST

The skies were really pretty this morning

2010-02-02T17:50:00.011+08:00

When I left the house at 7am this morning, I looked up and was captivated by the warm colours radiating from the skies and stood at my door for a good 5 minutes, just looking at the moving colours. Then I remembered that I had to go to school, and hastily took 2 pictures before I locked the door and left.

I had to run to the bus interchange, if not I'd have been late for school for the third time (which means detention for 1 hour). And thankfully I wasn't late. :P

So. Attended CLB yesterday! During our break:

HAHAHAHA.

There was this nice guy sitting in front of me who's from Springfield. He is nice because he offered me cuttlefish to eat and cuttlefish is awesome :):):)

Had Macs for dinner with Jenjen after CLB!

Ok. And today, accompanied Alicia after school to have lunch at Pizza Hut + buy a birthday cake for her brother's 17th birthday. :)

Ok I am done!

Oh yeah, had Chemistry test today too. I think I am going to do very badly because I don't understand displacement. -_- Nevermind. Shall stay back and ask Mrs Chua to go through the displacement theory with me again.

+ I hate that I am so sensitive. I should just shut the fuck up next time.

Tutor is coming in like, 15 minutes and I have not done my homework. Hehe. I am awesome. \m/

Ok bye. :)

The man and his magic cup

2010-02-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

That same night, I wrote my first short story. It took me thirty minutes. It was a dark little tale about a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow. The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife's slain body in his arms.

Khaled Hosseini - The Kite Runner

So many upcoming tests!

2010-02-01T20:40:00.005+08:00

This is so saddening.

Chemistry test tomorrow
Physics test on Thursday
Literature test on Friday
Maths class quiz on Monday
Maths common test next week, date to be confirmed

The sad life of a student. :(

PICTURES!!

2010-01-31T22:13:00.017+08:00

29th January, Friday:

Stayed back after school to help out with the class noticeboard design!

Went for Girl Guides at 2pm, and I WAS NEARLY BLINDED BY ALICIA (who I still love a lot)!!!!!

We were going to play Captain's Ball, and since I have nothing better to do, I decided to take a video of it. So. First of all, this is a video of Alicia playing with the ball.

This is a video of Alicia hitting the ball into my face.

THE VIDEO IS FUCKING FUNNY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I STILL LAUGH WHENEVER I WATCH IT! IT'S SO HILARIOUS LOL OK HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED:

My right lens SHATTERED and the fragments of plastic got into my right eye!!! I was literally blinded for a while and I just saw red. Then my right eye started to burn like hell, so I hastily dug into my right eye to dig the fragments of plastic out. -_-

To cut a long story short, I went to the clinic to get my right eye checked by a doctor, was examined and released with no permanent damage to my eye, and given eyedrops to be applied every 3 hours.

I am so thankful that I dug out the fragments of plastic out from my eyes! If not I would have be blinded as it might have cut my pupil or my cornea. THANK GOODNESS.

Anyway, couldn't go home straight away since nobody was at home and I didn't bring my keys. So I went back to Guides, and when we were dismissed at 4.30pm, I went back to my class to help the rest finish up the class noticeboard design. :)

Notice that one of the lens is missing! Hahaha. It was weird, having half-clear half-blur vision. LOL.

Peirong stumbled, and I grabbed her legs, but she still fell from the table anyway! And while Peirong was stumbling, Alicia just sat in her chair, staring at Peirong. And then she proceeded to laugh like a mad man!!!

SO MEAN RIGHT, I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!11!!
At least I grabbed her legs! Ok although I wasn't strong enough as she still fell. :P

And then it was approaching 6pm, and I had to leave, because I had to meet Huishan for dinner! So we took some group photos. :)

OK THAT'S ALL!!!! HAHAHA. A LOT RIGHT, I KNOW! :B

Took a bus to the library, then to Changi Airport T1 to meet Huishan! :) We took a skytrain to T3 to have our dinner at TCC and now I owe her money. :( Shucks. Hate being in debt!! Anyway, then did some work before calling it a day.

There was this really pretty garden on display, and I like the entrance, so..... :D

Kbye!

2010-01-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

I've been through a lot. I was sexually abused. I was anorexic. I was depressed. I was suicidal. And that was the past. Now? I consider myself a rape survivor, instead of a rape victim. I'm not stick-thin anymore - I actually have flesh on my bones! I'm not depressed anymore, just a realistic optimist. And I'm not suicidal anymore either.

I've learned to live with myself, to accept myself, and to love myself.

So why should I let all these be shattered just because a boy broke up with me just because I lent a hard-disk to an ex? Just because a boy who claimed to love me replaced me in 11 days with another girl? Why should I destroy all the efforts I made to become who I am today just because of a boy?

I will be strong, and this love, this love that I still have for him, I will devote it to something else. I will not think, not obsess, not analyze, and just move on. I will not be stubborn. I will stop crying. I will stop harassing my friends by constantly mourning over him. I will be happy. I will be optimistic. I will stop being an emo bitch.

:)

Ever since school started,

2010-01-27T19:30:00.003+08:00

I can't remember what it's like to not be tired.

And also, I can't remember what it's like to have an unburdened heart.

I've come to a point where I know that nothing I say or do will move your heart anymore. Your heart is no longer fixated on me, but a new girl. I'm no longer special, I'm no longer of importance or significance. I've been replaced. And that fact alone is enough to tear me apart from the inside. But there is nothing I can do, nothing I can say, nothing at all. So I've decided to move the fuck on. No more over-analyzing of a hopeless situation; no more useless hope for a hopeless situation. I am done.

If only I could do this.

2010-01-26T21:45:00.007+08:00

Yesterday (25th), Joanne made my day by sending me this really sweet message:

I immediately went from -_- to ^_^! I mean I was really bummed out by the fucking date and then she sent me this message hehehehehe I have the best friends :))))))))))))

Also! Jolene's really sweet too! Haha. My note on my mobile phone was this:

After seeing it, she snatched my phone away and changed it to this:

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. :'))))

AND! Juexin's really sweet too heh she sent me home today!! Walked me all the way to my doorstep.

I AM SO BLESSED!!!!!!!!!! :D

-

Visited my ahma on the 24th, which is a Sunday, and I went alone! I taught her how to use the camera (hoho)...

Then I tried to take her picture but she refused.

LOL this pose really reminds me of Huishan, Carolyn, Jingting and the rest of my friends who always avoid the camera!!!

Oh and today, during lessons, Carolyn drew my camera pouch on the table!

SO CUTE HAHAHAHA!

Stayed back today to help do up the class noticeboard!

Me at the top and the view from the top. HAHA.

I risked my life today by climbing onto a chair that is placed on top of a table just to stick paper clouds on to the ceiling. I fell once and almost broke my leg and almost crushed Alicia (sorry!). I am so nice (ok fine, self-praise is no praise). :B Priscilla also helped put up the clouds!

But I am happy with the overall design, and so is Alicia, who did the most work! Kudos to her. 8)

Went to help Juexin with her class, and left school at 7pm. Went to develop photos, and Juexin accompanied me! Walked me home too. Told you, I have the most awesome friends. :B

:(

2010-01-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

I really dislike talking on the phone. I don't avoid it, as it is necessary in certain cases, but in cases where I can avoid it, I do.

Reason being, I've been slightly traumatized after watching a horror movie about this girl who was haunted by a ghost through the phone. Every time she received a call, a ghost would answer and say some weird things, like how she is going to die or something weird and gross. I can't really remember everything because I watched it since I was 5 but all I know is that ever since then, I got really terrified of the phone.

I know my friend is on the other side of the phone, not some ghost, but... I'm scared. I really am.

And then Albert dragged me to watch One Missed Call on 16 January 2008 and then from that day onwards, I always picked up a call (unless I don't notice it. And when I realize I had missed calls, I'll start panicking like crazy and pray that nothing bad happens to me).

I swear, horror movies are so fucking traumatizing, I don't understand how you guys can watch a horror movie and am still able to sleep after that. -_____- Don't you feel scared?!?!?!?! Like something might grab you or SOMETHING?!

OK DIGRESSING.

Yeah I am deathly afraid of phone calls. However, that doesn't mean I don't pick up calls. Because it would be rude to ignore someone's call, and also, what if that movie happens to me? :((((

And also, I do listen to my friends if they have something to say. And then, I'll say good bye and hang up. Is it unreasonable? :/

Ok I don't want to mull over this anymore. I shall go work on my F&N coursework!

Pictures taken on CCA Fair! :D

2010-01-24T20:06:00.009+08:00

2010-01-24T13:27:00.002+08:00

Gone.

The saddest word in the language.

In any language.

- Mark Slouka

Dear friend of mine,

2010-01-24T00:30:00.003+08:00

Lately, you've been mean and caustic. You've been intolerant and unreasonable and abusive and ignorant and uncaring and insensitive. In short, you've been a horrible friend. I'm so tired of our friendship, because I feel that you do not care anymore. After my ex-boyfriend dumped me back in December, I talked to you, in search of solace. All you did was deepen my hurt by giving me a "..." as a reply to my, "I am sad."

Lately, I've been the one initiating conversations. Scratch that - I've been initiating all our conversations, ever since I knew you in secondary 1. But at least, back then, you had the decency to talk to me first. Now? Not at all. In December, I wanted to test you, so I didn't talk to you for 2 weeks. I appeared offline on MSN for 2 weeks. During these 2 weeks, you didn't bother to talk to me as well. So I'm wondering, if you can just forget me so easily [considering how you never wondered where I was], why should I bother about you? Why should I try to stay in contact with you, when you don't? What's worse is that I've brought this up to you, and you said, "Okay, I will initiate conversations with you from now on! :D" That was a lovely lie, considering how you've yet to start a conversation with me.

Lately, all you do is make me sad, so this is me, telling you that I am giving up on our friendship.

With love,
Wei Ling.

2010-01-23T23:10:00.003+08:00

Am I the only one who gets really amused whenever a Christian uses the phrase, "Go to Hell"?

-

So much has changed. I loved someone a lot, and one day I woke up and I realized what moving on really is. There's such a big difference between getting over something and getting through it. I got through with it all, but if he came up to me and told me that he sincerely loved me, I wouldn't resist that. It's funny how things work out, right? You think you'll be best friends with someone forever and one day you're just not anymore. All I know for sure is that when you love someone, I mean truly love someone, whether it's a friend or boyfriend or girlfriend - whatever - you never stop loving them. Think about it. I've moved on, yes. But a part of me will always belong to him and I will always have that part of me that loves him.

2010-01-23T15:39:00.004+08:00

On Wednesday, 20th January, at the library, decorating the banner for Infocommunication Club.

2010-01-22T23:10:00.003+08:00

I think I am really stupid. I fall in love with boys who do not love me back, and the boys that love me, I find myself unable to love back. Thus, I am my own downfall.

:(

It’s not that easy to win over a girl’s heart. You can’t just look into her eyes and say ‘I love you’ and think she’ll instantly fall in love with you. You have to get to know her and show that you love her just the way she is. You have to be able to handle her when she’s mad, comfort her when she’s sad, and leave her be when she’s feeling independent. You don’t have to buy her the most expensive gifts all the time; as long as you mean everything you say and keep all the promises you make, you’ll be okay. So don’t rush things; take your time. And when you finally do tell her that you love her, make sure you truly mean it. Because chances are, she needs another broken heart like how you need a hole in the head.

-

Am quite angry now because Mrs Mani was so bloody rude. C'mon, we just helped out for CCA fair by ushering the parents/secondary 1s in, unpacking the drinks from the cartons and gave it out to parents, carried the food and drinks to all of the CCA groups, took the class's attendance... and just because we were laughing a little too loud, she screamt at us to get out of the hall. "You guys should be ashamed of yourself!" Ashamed of what, helping out? Sheesh. Ok yes it is our fault for making noise but she didn't had to yell at us to leave.

And what's worse is that she had the nerve to yell at us, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be doing your duty? Go and do your duty! If not, get out!" What the hell, we're already done with the duties, and the CCA groups are now performing for the parents and secondary ones. And wow, how appreciative of our efforts to make this CCA fair a smooth-sailing one.

Just because you are angry does not mean you take it out on us students. Just because you are a teacher does not mean you can abuse your authority and tell us to get out when we just helped the entire school by setting things up for you guys.

Ugh. I am so disgusted.

2010-01-21T21:54:00.006+08:00

During EL lessons today, we're given a news article regarding a boy saving his father, and then we had to do a reflection about heroes. Then, one of the question was, "Draw a cartoon to illustrate your idea of a hero."

This is Carolyn's interpretation:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA x10

Best imagination ever! :B

Namirah working hard~

Had Girl Guides today! :)

Me, Alicia, and Natnat. :D

HAHAHAHA the last part is hilarious. :x

Yeah, we're such a small group. :B

Anyway, the Guides room was really dirty. Evidence:

So while the rest learned how to do lashing, we [Natalie, Joanna, Hakimah, Divya and me] cleaned up the Guides room.

Went to the playarea for a while to see how they're doing with the lashing~

After cleaning the Guides room, my shoes turned black. Literally. Evidence:

My shoe is the one in the center. It used to be completely white...... :B

Had dinner with Alicia, and headed home around 6pm. :)

CCA Fair tomorrow, glad that Jennifer's going to be the emcee together with Mr Kahar!

What I will try to achieve in the year 2010

2010-01-20T18:31:00.002+08:00

I want people to feel an immediate happiness and cheerfulness when they are around me. I want to make a difference in someone’s life. I want to make an impression in someone’s life, so that even though I may be delicate and fragile, my footprints are permanent within the hearts of the ones I’ve touched. :)

Juexin's 16th birthday

2010-01-19T23:09:00.006+08:00

It has been 3 days already, and I'm only blogging about Juexin's birthday now. Hehe. It seems like I've lost my blogging bug. And also, been pretty down in the dumps. But I'm feeling better now, because karma is a fucker, and it just fucked the person pretty damn good. ;)

So anyway, lazy to blog in details, so just going to dump some photos and one video!

I love twister fries so much. :B

And before I go, I need to say this: I love Juexin~ 8)

2010-01-19T16:45:00.002+08:00

HI OMG .

I AM VERY HAPPY LOL .

I DONT WANT BLOG LIAO . BYE BYE

AND HOR I TELL YOU ALL AH .

JOLENE VERY NICE TREAT ME YAKULT AND CHOCOLATE TEEHEE ^^

BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE :D

3D2N camp at Loola

2010-01-18T22:39:00.032+08:00

Before you guys ask me about the pictures from the DSLR (Canon EOS 400D), I shall clarify some things first:

01. I've yet to transfer the pictures from the DSLR because it's still in school. I was supposed to do it today, but CLB spirited me away. :(
02. 50% of the pictures I've taken are deleted, thanks to the faulty CF card. Not my fault. Blame the card. I'm also very heartbroken. :(

Anyway, pictures from my digital camera! :D

I'm super lazy to describe in details, so just view the pictures and watch the videos and leave a comment yeah. :)

My camera then dies on me, and I did not bring my charger, so pictures end here! :D

2010-01-17T21:49:00.001+08:00

"Bones are clean and pure. Fat is disgusting and dirty and hangs off the skin like a parasite. I want to be skin and bones, nothing more."

(via expose)

I love my mother :)

2010-01-17T01:43:00.002+08:00

Even though she behaves like a 5 year old. :P

Happy belated 38th birthday!

2010-01-16T11:29:00.003+08:00

It feels like I've lost myself during these past few months. It feels like I've lost all of me. I feel empty. I feel vast. I feel desolate. I feel lifeless. And most of all, and most importantly, I feel nothing; nothing at all. I laugh, but I don't feel the amazing sensation laughter brings together with it. I cry, but I don't feel the heart-wrecking pain crying brings together with it. I smile, and my cheek muscles feel funny. Like I'm not supposed to be smiling.

I wish that I've never, ever met you. Then maybe, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't ever have cared so much. And if I never cared, maybe I wouldn't have cried myself to sleep every night, because I wouldn't be thinking of you. Maybe I wouldn't feel as alone as I do now, if I never met you, loved you, and watched how quickly you managed to walk out of my life.

You know what's the deadliest love of all? Unrequited love. Every day, I keep on hoping tomorrow will be better than today. And when it isn't, I just keep on going on. Why? Because I can't kill myself. That would be suicide, and I refuse to die under my own hands. But this crushing disappointment day after day is enough to cripple me, if crushing disappointment was physical, not emotional.

But, as I constantly remind myself, only a person who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live. And the best thing you can do, when you're stuck in a tedium like this, the best you can do is wait and hope. Hope for the best. Hope that you'll be okay soon. Hope that you will return to being you.

So that's what I'm doing. Hoping. And sometimes, even hoping is not good enough. How am I supposed to ever be okay again?

I can't remember the last time I went through a day without breaking down and crying.

Pain is when you can't breathe, even if your chest still rises and falls. Sadness is when you look out the window and see ghosts of you and him. Loneliness is when you still feel a hand touching yours, even if there's none. Desperation is when you wait for someone that will never come. And love is when you experience all these things, and still open your heart for someone who will never get there.

2010-01-12T21:06:00.006+08:00

Celebrated my mom's birthday on Sunday, 3 days earlier because on her actual birthday, I'll be away at camp. -_- So yeah, went to a nearby hawker center, and had a really good dinner. Finally had crab, yay!!!

So handsome.

Mummy dearest! :)

In school today:

Raina's so cute :B

Junkiat's so handsome. :P

Shall end off with a huge photo of myself.

BYEBYE. =D

2010-01-12T19:43:00.006+08:00

DAMN LAZY TO BLOG. Shall just upload a few photos.

Oh and I'm so happy for Ho Guo Xiong! :D Top scorer in our school for the O levels. :) Went to congratulate him and we hugged and then he was whisked away to be interviewed, HAHA. Cannot wait to see his face up at the huge banner outside our school. "EAST VIEW HEROES" hahahaha!

Pictures taken on 9th Jan, Sat:

My most prized photo. :)

My second most prized photo. SHUMAN FINALLY TOOK A PICTURE WITH ME PRAISE THE LORDS!!!!!!!!

Najeera chewing on a straw HAHAHAHA SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALIZED I WAS TAKING A VIDEO OF HER HAHAHAHAHA SO SLOW.

I am a giant ROAAAAAR fear me for I shall trample you beneath my giant feet!

(FYI that girl on the chair is Jenjen.)

Nora and her gigantic eyes.

COTTON CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Ok I'm done so tired byebyebeybyebeybeye

2010-01-10T22:04:00.002+08:00

I was telling myself to wake up early tomorrow to have McDonald’s breakfast because the hotcakes there are my absolute favourite when I realize I don’t have anybody to go with.

080110

2010-01-09T23:03:00.006+08:00

Pictures taken yesterday, after school! :D Shuman received a present from someone who likes her and we happily ate all the sweets. I didn't know there was a fucking rainbow flavour for Mentos!

SO COOL RIGHT!!!!! Meanwhile, while we were popping sweets into our mouth, Jennifer and Najeera decided to piece together the love letter that Shuman's admirer gave her (since Shuman torn it up) by sitting on the floor like some homeless beggars.

Sigh. Retarded friends. :B

Camera pouch.

Yeah, 406 went to Ngee Ann Poly for the open house, and checked out the life science department. After 1 hour, had to go back already. -_- Not enough time to check out the film and media studies department which I'm interested in. So I went back the next day [which is today, and I shall blog about today tomorrow HAHA].

We reached school around 5pm, and Carolyn and I waited for 404's peopleeeeeee. :( Took so long. Carolyn serenaded me with the piano HAHA. Alicia came for a while, so did YL, before they left. One went to find the friend, another went to find the girlfriend. :B

Ok can't remember what happened already lala. I'm very sleepy hehe. :B

2010-01-08T23:19:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you're in Chinese B, stuck in normal Chinese class, and have nothing to do?

You draw default expressions of your friends.

Yes, I have a cute face.

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :P

I love Jennifer's default expression - it is SO her! :D And Shuman's one as well. And Najeera's hair LOLOLOL :x

2010-01-08T21:24:00.007+08:00

I woke up this morning and I began to cry. I thought to myself, “Here I go again”. I woke up and thought to myself, “I need you, I miss you.” Why am I so dependent on someone else to make me happy? It’s horrible. It should be my job and mine only, to make myself happy. It’s my job to fulfill my own needs, it’s my job to take care of myself. But, I can’t. I’m always relying on someone, I always need that shoulder to cry on; that pillar of strength. Truth is we should be our own pillars of strength. And from now on, I'm going to be my own pillar of strength. I'll choose to be happy, and I'll just close my eyes whenever I see you around. I'll tune out your voice, and whenever I hear your name, I'll refuse to travel back to my memories with you. I'll be strong, not just for my family and friends, but for myself as well.

I solemnly swear that from today onwards, I'll force myself to forget everything I know about you, and move the fuck on. I'll direct my unfaltering love for you towards something else, like photography or writing or reading, and I'll just patiently wait for the day that you'll stop tugging at my heartstrings.

"Love is always a good thing no matter how much it hurts. Even after it’s over, even through the pain, anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter how much it hurt in the end. And if you tell me differently, I will tell you that you were not truly in love."

2010-01-07T21:07:00.001+08:00

BEST REMIX EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-07T20:10:00.006+08:00

I think my face looks constipated here HAHA.

Went to Temasek Poly today, to attend the open house. :)

Junjie's face is classic. (Y)

;)

K BYE.

(PS: Am quite excited for overseas camp now because I'll be the photographer!!! SQUEALS!!!! I am madly in love with photography, have I ever told you that?)

2010-01-07T19:23:00.003+08:00

I cried out loud for March.

But I am alone in my horror, and I am crying into emptiness.

2010-01-06T18:36:00.006+08:00

Today marks the first month of being single. My fragmented heart sobs. I wasn't lying when I said I'll love you forever. When I said forever, I meant it.
I'M THE PHOTOGRAPHER FOR SECONDARY 4 CAMP
YAY SO HAPPY! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Omg found some secondary one (must emphasize if not people think it's recent photos) photos of myself:

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE EYELINER AND ACTING EMO AND ACTING CUTE?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAH THANK GOD I'VE CHANGED

*hugs myself*

2010-01-05T23:22:00.003+08:00

JUSTIN LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAA

Evidence that Jingheng is still a small kid: he owns a Pikachu plush toy.

2010-01-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

My brother: Come on, getting into a relationship with someone in the same school as you is like committing suicide. What happens when you two break up? You’ll see each other every single bloody day and won’t it be super awkward? Won’t it be more difficult for you to move the fuck on if you’re constantly seeing him? He is like a trigger of your memories. That’s why I will never get into a relationship with someone in the same school as I am in. Do you shit where you eat? No you don’t.

My brother is made of WIN!

2010-01-05T18:10:00.002+08:00

My PE teacher forced the whole class to run 2 rounds around the school.

My legs are still aching like a bitch. :( I've not ran for like 2 months then this idiot forced us to run without even warming up.

Anyway I've enough of people telling me that I look prettier with long hair and that I should not have cut my hair. Like... whose hair is this, mine or yours? I do what I want to my hair and you should just respect my decision. The reason why I wanted to cut it short is because it grew long during the period I was with him and seeing the long hair maddened me so I decided to cut it away. Yeah ok it's a bit stupid and illogical but we're talking about love here, so can you blame me?

But I've to agree I look prettier with long hair though. HAHAHA.

Hehe.

So I shall wait patiently for my hair to grow. Doesn't matter if it's short or long anyway, I'm still me. And I think I still look okay, not totally ugly or anything, so stop telling me I shouldn't have done it. It's done already so what can you do about it huh? :P

Girl Guides tomorrow, so exciting. :B

2010-01-04T18:21:00.003+08:00

I THINK THIS IS THE MOST CONVINCING PICTURE OF ME PRETENDING TO BE A GUY EVER:

YES?????????????????????????????????

I tweaked my nose to be more blunt and my lips fatter and my neck bigger and my jawline to look more masculine and wore my brother's shirt!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA I AM VERY AMUSED

2010-01-04T17:32:00.005+08:00

My brother has been joking about my hair ever since I've cut it. First, he calls me his little brother. Second, after I vehemently deny that I look like a boy, he says, "If you're not a she, or a he, then you must be IT! Oh IT [he heavily emphasized] is eating!" (we were eating our dinner) and I'll just stare at him with contempt. Third, he calls me Hua Mulan (go google it if you don't know who she is). -_________-

I have the most annoying and immature elder brother EVER.

............ who's going for National Service in a few more months oh fuck. :( Idk how I'll sleep without him around!! I'm deathly afraid of the dark but knowing that he is next door helps me to sleep but now I know I'll be all alone (my parents' room is so far away!!!!!) and it'll be so creepy I wouldn't dare to close my eyes.

Yes I am that afraid of the dark SO WHAT??? I'm a girl and all girls are afraid of the darkness. HMPH.

(Ok fine most girls.)

SO ANYWAY IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TODAY AND GUESS WHAT I'M SITTING NEXT TO CAROLYN YAY THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe it is because Miss Tan knows that Carolyn constantly ignores me and doesn't bother to reply me when I talk to her during class.

T____________________T

But YAY I LIKE THE ARRANGEMENT OF THE CLASSES THIS YEAR! :) 404 405 406 407 408 ON THE SAME STOREY AND IT'S ONE AFTER ANOTHER AND IT'S GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm released at 1.15pm on Monday and Thursday, 2.15pm on Tuesday and Wednesday, and 12.30pm on Friday. MWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA ADVANTAGE OF NOT BEING IN A PURE SCIENCE CLASS!!! >:) EARLIER DISMISSAL THAN THE PURE SCIENCE CLASSES. >:)

Speaking of which, GUESS WHO CAME BACK TO SINGAPORE TODAY

JENNIFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(With a blackberry in tow. Wtf. Rich kid.)

Went to eat at Cafe Cartel!

After eating, we went to Popular so that she can get for herself the Jason Mraz CD (sigh rich kid) and went to Yamaha and then her mom came soon afterward to fetch Jennifer (sigh pampered rich kid) home around 3pm+ and I came home.

^_____________________________________^

Btw when I told Mr Harold Goh today that I didn't want to go to the camp he gave this very disappointed face and I felt so horribleeeeeeee because... well the teachers have obviously put in a lot of effort to make this overseas camp possible. So I FELT SO GUILTY EVEN THOUGH I SHOULDN'T BE. Right?! AAAAH OK I STILL FEEL GUILTY NOW.

(No I do not like him at all ok you over-imaginative idiots.)

SO I SHALL GO TO THE OVERSEAS CAMP AND TRY MY BEST TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

2010-01-03T22:38:00.003+08:00

I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss Tan just messaged me to bring my passport tomorrow, for collection and to facilitate logistic matters for the secondary 4s overseas trip.

I replied, saying my parents do not want me to go (ok fine, I told them I don't want to go and they conceded), so do I still have to bring my passport?

She replied saying even if I did not go, I still have to bear the full cost of $220.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Ok fine the school is doing this for our sakes, because most of the past students have requested for an overseas camp. Ok yes most of the sec 4s this year are very excited and hyped up about it.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO, AND THEY SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE THAT OPTION. $220 for a camp that I am not interested in??? Even if they've booked all the tickets and accommodation already, they should have done it AFTER checking if ALL of us are interested or not. Because I, for one, really wish to skip this camp because I DISLIKE CAMPS.

....................... urgh I'm not being unreasonable, am I?! I KNOW the school did this because they think it'll make us all happy and our last year of secondary school memorable. BUT STILL.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

*stabs myself*

2010-01-03T18:10:00.002+08:00

OH

MY

GOD

SCHOOL'S REOPENING TOMORROW

I AM GOING TO BE A SECONDARY FOUR STUDENT

OH MY OH MY OH MY OH MY

HOW EXCITING

I AM GOING TO PEE IN MY PANTS NOW KBYE

2010-01-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

I am the dust collecting on your bottom shelf

I am the love letter that you read once and forgot about afterward

I am nothing special, and I want nothing more than for you to tell me otherwise

2010-01-02T17:09:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOD AFTER HUISHAN PASSED THIS TO ME I HYPERVENTILATED AND FLAILED MY ARMS AROUND LIKE A MANIAC AND MY DAD TOLD ME TO STOP BEING STUPID BUT YAY YAY YAY YAY IT IS JASON MRAZ HOW CAN I NOT BE INSANE OH MY GOD THIS IS THE PRETTIEST ALBUM COVER EVER LOOK AT ALL THE COLOURS WOW LOOK AT ALL THE SONGS WOW WOW WOW ORGASM HIS VOICE IS ORGASMIC WOW YAY WOOOOOOOOOOO MY LIFE IS COMPLETE

=D

Okay she passed this to me like 2 days after Christmas so this is way overdue but whatever BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. Yay!!!! I have the most awesome friends!! :D So nice of Huishan to notice that I was drooling all over this CD while we were at HMV. HAHAHAHA. YAY!!!!!!!!111!!!!1oneone!!!!11

=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

(On a random note, I am not going to use :D ever again! =D is so much better. Because = is bigger than : and I want big eyes. =D Logical right?!)

Ahem. So today is Saturday, January 2nd 2010 which can also be put as 01022010 (so cool right I know). I'm staying at home and yay it's so nice being at home =D

A few minutes ago, I walked down to get for myself a cup of peach tea when I realized the light streaming in to the dining room is very pretty:

Then I walked to the front door and saw another stream of patterned light:

SO PRETTY! I only wished it was bigger. :B Seriously, it's pretty! C'mon, it even made my pink boxers look pretty:

It made me look mysterious:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

YEAH I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

2010-01-02T16:50:00.003+08:00

I am a cute ass motherfucker

(Not literally)

I am clutching on to my bolster

(Literally)

- W. L. R, composed on 02012010

Omg I am such a good poet.

2010-01-01T22:43:00.010+08:00

I miss you, but I'm trying not to care anymore. I lost you because you are meant to love someone else. You lost me because I am meant to love someone else too. It is a very simple fact, but it is so hard to swallow, because I'm too stubborn to let go of something that doesn't belong to me anymore.

Why do I find it so hard to let go? Why do I have such difficulty accepting the inevitable, dealing with what's right in front of me - what can't I get over something I can do nothing to change? I guess I hope too much. Hope for the best, hope that you're still holding on when the truth is you're long gone, up, up, up and away. You love someone else now. So why can't I forget you as well, and love someone else?

There's a fine line between faith and naivety; sometimes we're too in love to see that line and so blindly cross it. Well, I'm done being naive. For the past few weeks, I've been such a mess. I am a mess. And when I look at you, you are absolutely fine. You don't care at all about me anymore and it hurts because we are so far from where we used to be. You used to care, I used to be happy. You are wonderful without me, and me, I am miserable. Tell me - how is that fair? I mean, I know life is unfair, but this is fucking ridiculous. You made me feel like the loneliest person on Earth.

But that was the past. I'm doing okay now. I've been feeling happy, even while thinking of you. The memories used to drive me absolutely fucking insane. The good memories, the bad memories. But now, now I'm fine. I don't cry anymore. I've finally deleted all the messages I've saved from you. I've finally deleted all the pictures I have of you. I've finally changed your name from the moniker I gave you to your real name.

And I've let go. I don't cry at night anymore. I don't cry over you anymore. I'm happy for myself, and I'm happy for you. I was a bad girlfriend, and I know you deserve better, and you've done it in such a short time, so congratulations to you. As for me, I'm so grateful for all my friends, who've been there for me.

And I'm so grateful for my family, especially my mother, who've been a great help in cheering me up with her crude jokes and insults. And my brother, who've been harping on the fact that I've been dumped twice in a year, but I can tell he's secretly worried for me (when he popped in my room in the middle of the night and asked if I was okay because I was crying. WTF scared me I thought it was a ghost at first).

So....... yup. I'm done. I'm done with making myself upset, I'm done with making people worried about me, I'm done with being pathetic.

IT IS A NEW YEAR AND IT IS TIME TO ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT YAY

(PS: I suck at ending my posts, if you've not noticed.)
(PSS: I am aware that I do not have a cock.)

2010-01-01T13:44:00.015+08:00

What: How I spent the last day of my 2009
When: 31st December 2009
Who: Alicia and Weiling
Where: Aswin's house, Weiling's room
Why: To celebrate the last day of 2009 together
How: By taking lots of photos, taking lots of videos, laughing a lot, dancing to Sean Kingston's Fire Burnin', pigging out by consuming 5 packs of mee goreng + 1 bottle of PeelFresh apple and aloe vera fruit juice + 1 bottle of peach tea + a packet of oreos + a lot of sushi.

In the morning. 8)
I met her at the pathway between Century Square and Tampines Mall and went to Cotton On because she wanted to buy a dress for Chinese New Year and bought a dress for $15 (yay for sales), then went to NTUC. Initial plan was to buy spaghetti and pre-made sauce, but Alicia pulled me away and said that the mee goreng was very delicious and wanted me to try. So we bought this packet of mee goreng, with 5 packs of it inside for just $1.50 ;) We also bought sushi for supper. After that, we went back to my house to cook and eat.

And that crazy girl insisted on cooking all 5 packs of mee goreng, assuring me that we will be able to finish all of it because she's very hungry. -_- I was on the verge of exploding after we ate; I was THAT full.

The mix doesn't look very nice haha but after mixing the noodles in, it is quite yummy! :O

I was talking that's why my mouth is in such a weird shape HAHA.

Alicia decided to try on her Cotton On dress so she could model and let everyone see :O

Disturbed her while she's changing by taking photos LOL :x
(Note: I am NOT a pervert.)
And I cut her fringe for her!! From side to bangs! :) She looks so much cuter but she keeps on saying she looks ugly and weird. :(

Then she wanted to try on one of my dresses:

She claims it's too low-cut and that she don't want to expose too much. :O

Then at 9.30pm, her show started and we shifted the computer so we could sit down on the bed and watch the show (she downloaded something called PPLive, and it has a list of channels and you just select the one you want to watch). I didn't understand anything because they were speaking in Hokkien and the subtitles were in Chinese so I just disturbed Alicia HAHA. Took pictures during commercial breaks!

She asked me to pose like how all those other girls are posing and I obliged. HAHAHAHA.

Then she started playing with my eye make-up :O

And then she demanded that I removed it for her :O

Then she went back to seriously watching the show and being bored, I snapped away. :D (While she blatantly ignores me wtf.)

She stops ignoring me. HAHAHA.

Her show ends at 10.30pm and we took more photos and chatted :D

Hehe. And we took a lot of videos, which is still uploading, so I shall upload them here some other day. :> She left at like 11.50am and I sent her off (took a cab home, rich pig). :D

Last day of 2009 was well spent. ;)

My 2009

2009-12-31T17:24:00.025+08:00

Today is the last day of 2009, and while everyone's celebrating the start of the new year and being excited about 2010, hoping and praying that it will be a better year, I am resigned to the fact that next year will just be like this year, except that I will be older and more aware of my failures and lack of accomplishments.

But this year has been a good year to me, and I am grateful that I am much closer to all my friends, and have gotten to know some of my acquaintances better. I am grateful for my gains, as well as for my losses. This year, I've been dumped twice, but I've learned a lot out of these two relationships and I know I will be a better girlfriend the next time round. ;) I've not lost any of my friends, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that! :D:D

And I think I've finally reached the stage where I am comfortable with myself. :D True, I'm not completely okay with my body yet, I'm still grappling with body issues and I still starve myself when something bad happens to me, but I'm getting better and I think that's all that matters! Getting better, every year. And I've found so many lovely friends, it's so fucking unbelievable. I'm serious! In primary school, almost everyone hated me and found me annoying and I only had Joyce and Amanda and Gladys and Subashri as friends (lost contact with all of them except Joyce) and now I'm surrounded by all these wonderful people and I'm so happy, I've never thought so many people would actually like me! :B HAHAHA.

True, there are still a majority of people that dislikes me for many reasons, such as I'm too bossy or unreasonable or petty or boastful or resentful or prideful and the list goes on and on, but all of them only know how to make judgment and not try to get to know me better, to see if I am really like what they think I am, so really, I can not be bothered about you people who constantly criticize me because none of you were ever my friend so how can you ever know what I am really like? :)

So, for now, DEDICATIONS TO THE PEOPLE WHO'VE MADE MY 2009 VERY SPECIAL:

I'm really happy that Carolyn, Jennifer, Jingting, Jolene, Juexin, Najeera, Nora and me still spend our recess together every day ever since secondary 1. I'm just really glad for this because I see everyone separating (no offense intended) while we still stick together, and try to spend birthdays together (Seoul Garden ftw!). Although some of us made new friends and started spending recess apart, I really hope that next year, we'll still be spending most of our recess together because for me, having recess with someone else doesn't feel right. At all. I love you guys! :)

And Jennifer, who has always been my best friend (although she disagrees and says that Jannah/Carolyn/Najeera are more important)! Her laughter is the most contagious laughter I've ever heard in my whole entire 15 years of life and being around her, I've always been happy and laughing until I had stitches in the sides of my stomach, and till it's hard to breathe. Although we've plenty of disagreements and deferring opinions, I still love her because she's hilarious as hell and a truckload of fun to be with. :) Also, she's the one who I have the most candid pictures of. HAHAHAHAHA.

And I'm also really happy that Huishan, Joanne and I are still meeting up every few months to just talk and hang out. Although it is kind of funny that we were in the same primary school, but only got to properly know each other when we were all in different secondary schools. Although the atmosphere can sometimes feel awkward, I am blessed to have them and I love them very much (awwwwww).

Not to mention the good times I had with Huishan, who never fails to hand out lame jokes and puns! Thank you for always making me laugh and smile, although the psychotic person will always be you. HAHAHAHAHA. (Although it is quite true what Grace said about you, that we can only see your head 3/4 of the time HAHA.) It'll never be boring if there's you around, even if we're studying. 8)

And Juexin who I only got closer to recently (that's why the extreme lack of photos hint hint)! Thanks for always being so caring + concerned for me and constantly looking out for me; you're the sweetest person I've ever known! :O Like how you've said that you'll always be there for me, likewise, I'll always be here for you, when you're sad or angry or happy or whatsoever. :)

And Alicia! Although we had a big argument in the past, I'm glad that we were given the opportunity to be classmates and work on our friendship and I'm also glad that we're friends again, and although there is an obvious language gap between us (HAHA), we're able to understand each other quite well! Continue being the happy girl that you are, and don't ever go as berserk as you did a few months earlier. Wish you the best in finding another man to love. :P

That's all, but I'm also grateful for people like Albert (although he doesn't bothers to keep in contact at all), Axel (gives me encouragement whenever I'm sad), Dean (he's a nice guy), Emily (very sweet senior), Elaine (another very sweet senior), Guoxiong (very sarcastic guy who loves me hehe), Irene (because she's nice + gave me a birthday card HAHA), Junhao (he hates me now but whatever, I'm still thankful), Weiting (she's very nice + sweet and sent me encouraging messages whenever I'm hella depressed), Zhizheng (made me strive harder for English LOL)... yeah I think that's really ALL.

:) So, goodbye 2009, and I welcome 2010 with open arms.

2009-12-30T18:44:00.003+08:00

At Juexin's grandmother's house now! :D Haha. Her sister invited me. Awwwwwww. :B

Woke up early today, feeling happy, and showered and left to City Hall to collect the top I ordered online then to Simei to collect another top I ordered online. Total damage: $35. HAHA.

So, something really hilarious happened to me. -_- While I was at Tampines MRT Station, walking to the machine to tap my ezlink card, somebody tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to see a girl that I don't know, and she immediately said, "OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND!!!"

I was like O_O do I really look like a boy from behind?!

She apologized for mistaking me as a guy and then went off, while I was left feeling very amused.

So, anyway, after collecting my clothes, arranged to meet Juexin and Jolene at CS! :D I went back home first, to change to shorts, because it was so hot, and then I met them at CS's arcade and then I went to order a takeaway for prata for lunch (since we were heading to Juexin's house) and while waiting for it to be done, Najeera and Nora popped up from nowhere and ambushed us and we ended up talking till about 2.40pm before they left to watch Sherlock Holmes. :D

Walked all the way to Juexin's house, went to 201 first because Jolene wanted to buy a birthday cake for Osborn, then went to Jolene's house to have our very late takeaway lunch and then Deb came, and then Deb and Jo went somewhere, while I headed down to Juexin's house.

And then I sat down with their family and watched this Taiwan show or something, and then left for her grandmother's house after that. :B And I was invited because... I am awesome. HAHA.

And all her cousins are very friendly so I am getting along very well with them HAHA (although sometimes I don't understand their conversations because they're all talking in Chinese and my Chinese = ultimate fail) and I feel very at home HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok byeeeeeeeee!!! ;)

I am so goddamn happy

2009-12-30T10:50:00.002+08:00

I really am. I've been miserable for the past few weeks, unable to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking and analyzing and I didn't feel tired at all. And I was unable to wake up, because after being chased to bed by my parents, I slept and I had all these terrible dreams and when I woke up, I felt so goddamn exhausted that I couldn't get up. I starved myself for a few days, before my mother noticed and started to watch me like a hawk, making sure I ate. I lost a lot of weight, and I felt weak all the time. Whenever I go out with my friends, I came back home so fucking exhausted but not sleepy, because my mind was still awake with thoughts of him. And this vicious cycle continued.

But today, today... I woke up feeling like a brand new person. I don't know why. I feel so light (not just the hair), like I'm walking on air. I feel free, safe, happy. And I actually feel hungry. I don't feel ugly or unwanted anymore. And I revel in the knowledge that I have people who still love me, who will love me more than he ever could. And I feel blessed, I feel secure, I feel loved, I feel appreciated. This feeling of joy is wonderful. I've not felt this way for a long, long time.

:)

2009-12-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:38 PM):
*HAHA. but my bday have to wait for EONS.
sound of flickering lights says (11:39 PM):
*whats that? >>>>>
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:39 PM):
*?
sound of flickering lights says (11:40 PM):
*EONS
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:40 PM):
*OH
*means A LONG TIME
*HAHAHA
sound of flickering lights says (11:41 PM):
*oh.
*chey,
*ya hor!
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:41 PM):
*:P
sound of flickering lights says (11:41 PM):
*i thought is ....end of N S?
*LOL
*end of national service.
*LOL!~

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA EONS = END OF NATIONAL SERVICE
BEST BEST BEST

:D

2009-12-29T22:14:00.006+08:00

SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'VE COME BACK WITH SHORT HAIR.

I've been wanting to cut it short for a long time, but everyone kept telling me to keep it long, because I look prettier/better.

And I'm like, fuck, it's going to be 2010 soon, and I'm single, and it's a new year so might as well have a new start by chopping off my hair!

Therefore, today, I decided to just go ahead and do what I wanted to do. :D

So anyway, some pictures! I spent Christmas with my lovely friends and we had a good time talking and I left feeling very happy. :) Carolyn & I cooked spaghetti for them as well.

Jolene snapping away~

2 shy pigs! :P

MY HAT IS THE CUTEST :D

Jolene! :)

Our log cake (which we forgot to eat!! We only remembered after we were leaving and we were like OH FUCK so we quickly took it out, took some pictures, grabbed a few spoonfuls, and left. HAHAHA).

Jingting's parents drove us back!! :)

And then on Monday, watched Singapore Idol with my parents. :B

My dad looks like a stoner lol.

I can't believe Seizari won!!! :( Sylvia's voice is much better! Oh well. Here's hoping she'll be more successful than Seizari :x

And then yesterday, I was bored, so I went out shopping on my own. :D

I was going to cut my hair the next day, and cannot act cute with short hair, so took some act cute photos while I could!! HAHAHAHA.

LOVE THIS DRESS FROM COTTON ON (yeah I bought it haha).

Came back home around 6pm after gallivanting around town by myself and my mom was cooking and check this out:

She said she just dyed her hair and cannot wash, so she needed something to protect her hair from the oil fumes. -_- Cannot stand her!! She's wearing a shower cap btw! HAHA.

And today!! Went to have lunch with my mom and then we went to Lauren's to cut my hair!

:D

And Huishan dropped by at 8 to pass me my Christmas present - JASON MRAZ'S CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY AND A LETTER TOO! :D:D:D:D I love Huishan yaaaaaaay :)))))

And then Albert dropped by after that to pass me back my hard disk and I have to pass him back his digital camera's memory card and we talked for a while and then he left!

AND NOW I AM HOME AND BLOGGING BECAUSE HUISHAN, JOANNE AND JUEXIN ARE BUGGING ME TO. :D

Yay done bye!!!

2009-12-29T15:50:00.000+08:00

YAY SHORT HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

2009-12-26T23:13:00.003+08:00

Hello guys,

I will be missing for a while. I won't be online, I won't be on Twitter or Facebook or any other social networks, and my phone will be switched off. I need time alone to myself, because lately, I've taken a few blows and talking to people just exhausts me more and more. To be honest, I've been imagining plunging a knife into my abdomen repeatedly, and it has been less and less scary and more and more doable. I need a break from everyone, so I will be gone for a few days, and I will be back when I feel better.

I would like to apologize to my friends, it's not that you cannot make me feel better, it's just that I need to be in a place of silence for a while. And to Juexin, I've read your post, the one in Chinese, and I am very thankful for you. I hope you won't feel ignored or neglected in any way, and I hope you'll understand the reason for my getaway.

So for now, good bye.

2009-12-25T22:11:00.003+08:00

Various nicknames given to me over the years: Bones (because I'm too skinny), Bamboo (ditto), Hamster (cheeks very fat, looks like I'm storing food in my cheeks, like a hamster -_-), Hammy (cuter version of Hamster), Boneless chicken (because I like to lean on people = no bones of my own to support myself -_-), Jellyfish or jelly (ditto), Sloth (as lazy as a sloth), Rayray (my surname Rai is often mispronounced as Ray and Mr Chok decided that Rayray is cuter than just Ray), Ling-a-ling (like how a bell sounds like), Lingling, Ling, Li, L (after that Death Note guy, reason being I sit like him sometimes and also because my friend thought I resembled him in a way wtf)...

Most of them are obviously coined by relatives. -_- Yesterday, had Christmas dinner at grandmother's house, and my brother started calling me bones. And then it caught on, and everyone started calling me bones wtf.

"Hey bones, want some more turkey?"
"Oi bones, pass the sauce."
"So, bones, when are you going to start packing on some weight?"
"Bones, not eating? Then we got to start calling you air!"

SO MEAN RIGHT, I KNOW!! :(

Anyway, met my mom at Bugis yesterday to have lunch together.

Both of us had laksa, and then we went shopping hehehehehehe. Walked around Bugis Junction, and then decided to have coffee at TCC!

Had oreo mocha frappe. :B After resting for a while, decided to go to Bugis Street since I needed new shorts and might as well get cheap ones from there. B)

And the saleslady was like, you're the first skinny girl I saw with an hourglass figure! Most skinny girls that come here are skinny from top to toe, but at least you have curves! Big hips and big butt! Good for pregnancy!

... -___________- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After that, went back home and rested for a while before going down to my grandmother's house for Christmas dinner! :) The turkey costs $88, wtf. My aunt got it for a discount, so it costs $70 in the end, but still! $70?! We were like, it better taste good!

Looks really good, right?

SUCH A DRASTIC DIFFERENCE! :( But it still tastes good. HAHA. Don't think it's worth $88 though. -_-

Aiyah it was very hot so I pulled down my shirt a little, forgot to pull it back up before taking a photo, but who cares right, it's not like I'm showing anything. Anyway I've cut my fringe again!! Back to bangs B)

My uncle and me!

Didi means sister.

After eating the cake, Shaan tried on the shirts we (mom + me) bought for him at Bugis Street haha (3 for $10 only).

No muscles to show yet HAHA.

I'm so strong.

Not. :B

Talked for a while, then went back home (just 2 stories up haha) and became very depressed urgh fuck still very sad now but whatever there's nothing I can do FML.

:(

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

2009-12-25T15:34:00.001+08:00

2009-12-25T01:17:00.006+08:00

Do you ever think that a person, once broken, can never be whole again?

I think about that all the time. I don't think a person can ever fully be whole again. Once broken, you're scarred for life. Eventually, everyone will have invisible cuts and scars all over their body, and everyone's hearts will be battered half to death. And everyone will learn that there is no such thing as heartbreak, because you do not only feel like your heart is broken - you will feel like every single part of you is broken.

It's the 25th today.

2009-12-24T12:29:00.003+08:00

Wow.

I am really touched by your sincerity. Thank you for the diamond earrings :)

I'm sorry but I can't accept you yet.

Past few days

2009-12-24T00:24:00.003+08:00

I made lemon chicken for dinner for family yesterday (ok it's past midnight now so I made it 2 days ago)!! :)

DOESN'T IT LOOK GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD? :D

HAHA I SHOWED THE PICTURE TO HUISHAN AND SHE SAID IT LOOKS LIKE POTATOES, NOT CHICKEN. :( SO MEAN. BUT IT LOOKS NICE, IT TASTES NICE, AND EVERYONE LIKES IT YAY!

I think I'll make a very good room-mate or wife. I clean and I cook. I'm the total package. B)

Okay I'm kidding.

My brother enjoying the yummy chicken I cooked hehehehe. :B

Anyway, I went out with Huishan today! She came to my house at 6pm, and we left at 7pm to Orchard. :D AND I MANAGED TO PERSUADE HER TO WEAR A DRESS!!!!! She has never put on a dress ever since she started dressing herself! My persuasive powers = THE ULTIMATE ZAI-NESS! :D (She forced me to wear a dress as well and I felt so girly haha)

JOANNE, THE NEXT TIME WE GO OUT TOGETHER, LET'S FORCE HER TO WEAR A DRESS AS WELL K!

So I lend her my dress, and yay she looks so pretty! But she kept on whining that she felt very exposed and naked and I'm like HELLO THE DRESS IS LONGER THAN YOUR SHORTS (which was what she was originally wearing) but I guess she's just not used to it but whatever she looks good in a dress anyway but there's no pictures because she refused to take any. Sadly. :(

Oh and while in the MRT to Orchard, we passed by Kembagang and I saw this very nice condo, so I pointed at the window and said, WOW NICE CONDO and she whipped her head to the window and said WHERE GOT CANDLE???

... how can she mistake condo for candle?!

ANYWAY. Dinner at BK at Ion, then walked to FEP to have shaved ice and it is naise!

Shaved ice + lots of chocolate syrup + oreos + rainbow sprinkles = YUM YUM YUM x10

Tastes better than ice-cream.

SEE, DRESS!!!!!!! She refuses to take a front shot :(

The only photo she would let me take, sigh :(
Reached home at like 10.30pm....

FOREVER HIDING FROM THE CAMERA. :(:(

OKAY I'M DONEEEE. Going to Bugis with my mom tmr to do some Christmas shopping, and then Christmas gathering on Christmas at Carolyn's house. Yay!

2009-12-23T00:13:00.003+08:00

Some people can just move on, y'know. They get angry, they cry a bit, and the next day, they're feeling as fine as fucking sunshine. But while they're enjoying their life, someone else is crying, tears incessantly falling. It's like a fucking tap that's rusty and is taking a hard time to turn off. And even after they cry it out, the feeling of loss is still there, lingering in their souls. Their throats feel strange, like a huge lump is deposited there permanently, and their stomach hurls at every single thought of who they've lost. There is a fierce sting behind the eyes, and a sharp ache in the chest. It's unadulterated torture, and while they're suffering, the other person, they're as happy as a freed bird - hanging out with old friends, making new friends, and completely forgetting you.

What I would like to do to these people, is to ask them, how the fuck do you do it? And I'll beg them for an answer, scrape at their toes, and beg and plead and beg and plead until my voice is hoarse and my throat is dry. How do you move on so fast? How do you let go so fast? Have this person ever meant anything to you? Have you ever love her? Why are you so happy? Don't you love her? Even if you don't now, didn't you love her once? How the fuck do you do it, forgetting every single fucking thing that happened in the relationship in just one fucking day, or a few fucking hours? Have you ever love her? Or have you stopped loving her for a long time - is that why it's so fucking easy for you?

This hurts so much, do you have any idea? People tell me, life goes on. But what if I don't want it to? What if I want to arrest it, stop it, or even battle against the current into a past I don't want to be past? People also tell me, you'll get over it. I don't want to get over it. I don't want to become used to the fact that he has left. That was the last thing I wanted, the last thing I've ever dreamed of. But then again, you can't always get what you want. So what am I supposed to do with all this love? All this love that I have for somebody who doesn't want them? All this love I have for somebody who loves someone else? Do I suppress it? Do I ignore it? Am I supposed to give it to someone else? What? What the fuck am I supposed to do?

2009-12-22T15:15:00.008+08:00

Met Huishan ystd, to go shopping for Christmas presents!! :D

Tampines MRT Station > Dhoby Ghaut MRT Station > Plaza Singapura > KFC (lunch) > Daiso (Christmas gathering on 25th's supplies + light sticks!!) > Spotlight (tie-dye fabric set) > Dhoby Ghaut MRT Station > City Hall MRT Station Station > Citylink Mall > HMV (Johnny Depp's biography + The Five People You Meet in Heaven) > Marina Square > City Hall MRT Station > Bugis MRT Station > Bugis Street (fedora hat) > Haji Lane > SECRET HIDEOUT FOR SCRUMPTIOUS BROWNIE + MOCHA FRAPPE > Bugis Junction > Rubi (1 pair of shoes for myself, 3 pairs of shoes for HS) > Bugis MRT Station > Tampines MRT Station > Lovely Land (Christmas cards) > Tampines 1 > Times (More Christmas cards) > Home.

(Note: HMV has a 2 for $20 book offer YAY)

Yes, there was a lot of walking. :( I was half-dead when I was home, but that P-square (HAHA) was not tired at all. -_- Not human!

Few pictures because.... busy shopping what hehe. And also because P-square is afraid of the camera. :( So being the considerate friend that I am (hah), I willingly kept my camera away. :B

Oh yeah while at the secret hideout, I don't know what happened to me, but I suddenly got very high (I left out HS because she's 24/7 high) and we started singing in the cafe although there were people around us. Singing along to the songs playing! AND A HERO LIES IN YOU~ HAHAHAHA.

And I wore the novelty specs that I had, the one with blue eyeshadow on the eyes and arched eyebrows that made everyone whom I forced to wear look like perverts, and stared very seriously at everybody that walked in.

So there was this couple that came in, and the guy was holding the small of his girlfriend's back, and I stared at him... and he stared back at me, giving the -_- expression. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And then the waiter came, but he ignored me when I was staring at him wtf. :(

Oh and we were talking, when I suddenly exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!" (I also forgot why) and guess what she replied....

"WHERE?!?!?!!?!?!?!"
And started looking around wildly.

.... so nonsensical right we both burst out in laughter!!

Oh and while walking back to Bugis MRT Station to catch the train back to Tampines, I saw this very hot angmoh with very startling blue eyes....

He looked back at me and I melted and I immediately turned to Huishan, and we both said the same thing at the same timing: "SO HANDSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

HAHA THEN WE BOTH LAUGHED BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE BOTH LOOKING AT THE SAME PERSON!!

QUITE FUNNY!!!

Oh and when I reached home, my computer had some kind of system error, so I had nothing to do, so I straightaway read The Five People You Meet in Heaven and finished it in an hour and I felt very... inspired so I started writing letters to everyone I know. Inspired as in... I felt that before I die, I had to let everyone know how I honestly feel about them. HAHAHA.

Although I don't think I'll ever send them out, since the content is so honest that it's painful to read. (You guys just have to wait till I die, ok? HAHAHA)

Anyway, pictures before I started reading the book (haha I WAS BORED + I'VE NOT TAKEN SELF-PORTRAITS FOR A LONG TIME).

:D (Oi HS & Joanne, you can see the pillow you've given me!! HAHA. I've been faithfully hugging it to sleep for the past few days.)

Oh and going to have a Christmas gathering at Carolyn's house on the 25th!!! :) YAY CAN'T WAIT. 8)

The absolute truth

2009-12-20T18:01:00.005+08:00

I hate this particular period of time because I’m really not okay. All day long, I help out my family, my friends, whenever they need me. I smile and laugh and enjoy my day.

(Clarification: I don't pretend to be happy when I'm with my friends, because my friends make me genuinely happy. But when they are gone, I am alone, and I become sad in their absence. I've never faked a smile or laugh when I'm with my friends, and I've never faked my happiness. I've never lied about enjoying my day with my friends.)

But I’m honestly such a mess. I suppress my crying in the morning, in the afternoon, but at night, while I'm lying on my bed, I just cry. No one’s around to hear me in this darkness, so I just let loose.

I can’t take it sometimes. I hate talking about my problems, I’d rather just help someone else. I hate going on like this, like I’m going to be okay, like things are eventually going to be okay. Well it’s been so long now and they haven’t gotten better. They’ve gotten worse. I know the saying, that it always gets worse before it gets better, but when does the better part start? Seriously? How much more worse is it going to get? I hate this. I just want it to stop. I just want to be okay. I love my family and friends so much and I don’t want them to know I’m such a wreck. I don’t want them to know I’m falling apart. I want their help and comfort so bad but at the same time I want them to think I’m just fine. I don’t know what to do. I just want to be okay.

But it's so difficult to be okay. When I'm happy, really happy, something will happen to interrupt it. When I'm sad, really sad, something will happen to prolong it. Is it some kind of curse that only I am afflicted with? I am aware that I'm not the only one that's sad in this world; that there are many other people worse off than me - but that does not make me feel any less alone or my sadness any less sad. I am appreciative of what I have, such as my family and friends, and I love them immensely. I wouldn't know what I'd do without them. I know they'll always be there for me. I have no reason to be so pathetic, like now.

But the disappointments have been accumulating, and some of my friends have left me, and it is devastating. I'm only 15, but I'm already so jaded. I hate it when people tell me they love me. I hate it when people mention forever. I hate it when people say always. Because their love won't last, forever and always is indefinable - it can be years, it can be months, it can be weeks, it can be days, it can be hours, minutes, seconds. When they utter those words, my chest tightens; counting the days that they'll stay, before they are gone forever. And is it my fault that they're gone, or is it theirs? Am I too inadequate a friend? Am I too emotional, am I too flawed, am I too dramatic, am I too stupid, am I too ugly, am I not worth the time and effort to work the kinks out? Or are they too demanding, too unreasonable, too petty, too heartless?

(Digressing: to my friends, I am not going to promise you that I will never hurt you. I will hurt you. I will make you sad, and I might even make you cry. I will disappoint you, and I will anger you. I will be spiteful, I will be sarcastic, I will be insensitive, I will be forgetful, I will be willful. But I will apologize, and repent. I will not live up to your ideal standards of a friend, but I can promise you that I will do the best that I can to please you, but I will not change for you. I love you, yes, but if you love me as well, you won't expect me to change. However, I will do my best in my capacity to please you, and that is a promise. I also promise that I will be there for you if you ask me to. But I will hurt you, in actions and words; knowingly or unknowingly. I won't lie about that. I will never betray you, but I will lie. I will not agree with you all the time, but I will be respectful and respect your own individual opinion. If I feel that you are doing something wrong, I will point it out to you directly, but I won't force you to do what I think you should do.)

Also, I've talked about all the things I've talked about just now to my therapist, and she told me, This is the storm that all of us have to endure alone. We hate it. But it is every raindrop - its very harsh element that runs down our faces - that traces out who we are. Our shape. It reveals the passion, the defiance, the space in the world that the rain cannot displace. So do not give up hope. The rain can't go on forever - it will stop. And when it stops, the sun will come out. And you will discover that you've been reborn a better person, and that you are stronger. But it will rain again, because you are not strong enough yet. Trudge through the rain bravely, and stay strong for yourself, for your family, and for your friends. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Make the best out of your pain. For someday, this pain will be useful to you.

But it has been raining for months. At best, it stops for a few days, then starts again. At worst, it never stops raining for a few weeks. And why must it be done alone? I would do so much better if there was someone holding my hand throughout, trudging through the rain with me. And this pain she talks about - this pain is agony. Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart is being ripped right out from your chest and stomped on. You constantly feel like you're being suffocated. You don't want to eat. You can't function properly. This is the most intense pain I've ever felt, and the worst part is there's no way to relieve it. It's an unyielding, merciless torture.

I want to be saved. I want it to stop raining. I want to be happy for a prolonged period of time. I want to be able to tell my friends confidently and truthfully, "I'm okay!" I don't wish to die anymore, but I do wish to be alive. Do you get what I mean? I'm living. I exist. But I'm not alive. If you get what I mean.

Point of all this is that, I want to be okay. I'm not even asking to be happy. I want to feel okay. That's not very demanding, right?

Jeez.

And like how I always end my long posts, kudos to you if you've read the entire, pointless rambling. :D

Jingting's birthday

2009-12-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

Met Carolyn at 3.30pm, so we could go to Popular and buy her book and her Big Bang CD (tsk tsk) and then we headed off to Jingting's house and that girl made us wait for her at her void deck for 1 hour because she cannot let us in yet, because she's doing something. TSK TSK!!! :(

While waiting, made Carolyn buy ice-cream for me hehe.

At 5pm, finally went up and Shuman came not long after! Watched TV for a while, and at 6pm, bought all the BBQ stuffs to the BBQ pit and set up and eat. Hehe

These three arrived centuries later. T_T

Rong Chang arrived eons later. T_T

Jingting's parents! :D They're very friendly, hehe. And her father is very easy-going and jovial. Not serious at all. Even slipped us Carlsberg to drink. HAHAHA.

So chio. :B

JOLENE WHY SO CUTE?

FORCED HER TO WEAR BIRTHDAY SHADES!! HAHAHA.

Irene's a bunny!

Helping Jolene put on the bunny ears...

Begging her to please take a photo....

SUCCESS HAHAHAHA.

They claimed I look like a pervert. :(

Klinsmann arrived around 9pm (yeah I know so late) and he willingly put on the shades to take photos lol

HAHA THIS ONE IS THE BEST.

GROUP PHOTO! (without RC because he was basketball-ing)

Then it was time to cut the cake:

THE CAKE IS SO HUGE LOR WAHLAU LUCKY JINGTING!

Before any of you perverts get the wrong idea, her dad is just reaching for her handphone!

RC looks so cute here HAHA, with his center parting. :x

Then left at like 9.30pm!

Hehehehehehehe.

Had a great day with everyone today :) !

2009-12-19T14:57:00.003+08:00

I hope you're happy now, you inconsiderate fucker. Of all the things you've done to hurt me, this hurt the worst. I hope you're happy, knowing you've made me cry every fucking night.

Birthday celebration with HS & Jo!

2009-12-18T16:39:00.006+08:00

Huishan and Joanne tried to surprise me, but in the end, I was the one that surprised them! MWAHAHAHAHHA! Let me elaborate:

The night before the 17th, Huishan asked me what time will I be waking up for tomorrow (which is the 17th). I didn't suspect anything, and said that I'll be setting my alarm at 11am.

So what they planned to do was to sneak in to my room very quietly so I won't wake up before 11am and set up the cake and smear toothpaste on my face and then wake me up and take very ugly pictures of me. That's the surprise! Because they told me to meet them at 1pm at Tampines MRT Station.

... at 10am+, I was still happily sleeping. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and giggles in my dream and I opened my eyes and I saw two figures, one in white and another in blue, standing at my door who then, seeing that I've opened my eyes, whispered something like, "OH SHIT SHE'S AWAKE!" and then ran away.

I was suspicious, but I just closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep. I heard footsteps again, and someone giggling like a hyena, and a lot of rustling. I opened my eyes, making sure my hair was covering my eyes, and saw someone in light blue shorts.

"JOANNE!" I thought. Because she's always wearing those light blue shorts.

Then I knew that the other girl was Huishan. "So this is my surprise," I thought, and I contemplated if I should continue to pretend to be asleep so I won't ruin their surprise or should I just wake up and surprise them instead (hehe).

I decided on the latter. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

I sat up and exclaimed, "You all very noisy leh!"

A shriek filled the room and I think I saw the both of them jumped. Mwahahahaha I felt so accomplished! Hehehehe. Anyway, their surprise was foiled by me, MWAHAHAHAHAHA. :x :x :x

Anyway they had a slice of tiramisu cake from Coffee Beans! And they passed me my present, which is the pillow. :D And they forced me to take pictures, even though I just woke up with morning hair, bad breathe, bad skin and swollen eyes :(

So after eating, went to shower, and set off to Bugis! Huishan was bringing us to her secret hideout (so I can't reveal the location either, except that it's at Bugis). :D And seriously, the secret hideout is so pretty!!!! Hehe.

Our table! Lots of cushions. Very comfortable! :D And not many people know about this place, so we had the whole second floor to ourselves. Which is awesome! After placing our orders, we immediately started taking pictures. :O

Joanne's buey song face HAHA.

Wearing my Happy Birthday shades! :D

I fell over laughing HAHA.

And our food came, and oh my god it is DELICIOUS!

Brownie with ice cream!! :D The brownie was orgasmic - it's really thick and chocolate-y!

My order came first (hehe) - Carbonara, a classic pasta sauce made with cream, bacon and Parmesan and served with pasta (duh) and is absolutely delicious. :)

Huishan and Joanne both ordered kids' meals, but look at the difference of the servings haha:

SO HUGE

SO SMALL (the fish)!!

Joanne digging in (and the way she cuts is hilarious, like a murderer).
While eating, we take PHOTOS B)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Then Huishan made us do this:

I look scary

While both of them look cute. INJUSTICE HAHAHA.

I look so excited HAHA. Huishan disappeared!

Please ignore my retarded face kthnx.

I am a bunny. Albeit not a very cute one.
I like this picture because I look very tall hehehehehehehehee.

HUISHAN WHY YOU SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

We tried to flip our hair to get a cool effect but failed:

Huishan passed!

Again, another pass. LUCKY!

Ok this one not so bad. HAHA.

Joanne looks so studious with specs!!

I look so demure wow. HAHA. My blue skirt is so awesome!! :D

Then we left the unadulterated awesome place! I'm serious, it's fucking awesome - good ambiance, good food, good company.... *sighs happily*

Decided to go to Bugis Street!

Joanne left shortly after that, as she has a netball match to go to. :O Huishan and I had yogurt at J.Co, and then went to City Hall! Went to HMV first, because Huishan is a self-proclaimed CD pervert. HAHAHAHA.

Then it was time to go for Swan Lake, so... Huishan went with me! :B She's not paying though. Oh well, at least the tickets aren't wasted. :D

Saw Huishan's friend there, haha. After the play ended, went to McDonalds to have supper. :D We were strolling to City Hall MRT Station when I realized, oh yeah there is a last train, and told Huishan. Then we panicked and quickly ran to the platform HAHA and thankfully we caught the last train!! :B

Reached home slightly before 1am, and transferred the photos and started editing. :B

Yay I had the most awesome birthday, thanks to the awesome company and awesome surprise and awesome cafe and awesome food and awesome play :)

Birthday celebration with family on 16th

2009-12-18T14:34:00.005+08:00

Left the house at 2pm and went to City Hall to have our late lunch at Food Republic...

After that, my mom went to purchase tickets for Ducktour + Singapore Flyer.

While on the boat, saw the ongoing construction of the IR (Integrated Resort). :B And the tour guide kept on emphasizing that if your family member becomes addicted to gambling, there is a gambling hotline to call. :O

My dad and mom, with the Ducktour boat/car (travels on land + sea).
After the tour, went to Andersen's to have ice cream :B

Fondue!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

My mom and I!

After eating, went to catch the Hippo bus to Singapore Flyer.

My dad and I (and my $10 bag).

Had to force my brother to take a picture with me! His condition is that I have to stand one arm's length away from him. -____-

Again, one arm's length. -_- I can't stand my brother, tsk!!

Singapore Flyer's reflection in the river :B

My mom sat on my brother HAHA.

I think the Christmas decorations are not very nice this year leh :/

My mom choking me -_-

In the cabin:

LOL both of my parents are so old already, yet still play around like little kids :O

Wanted to take a photo with my brother, and got elbowed in the face. -_-

After that, went to Marina Square and had dinner at this bistro and my brother was so sleepy that he fell asleep right there and then:

Pig.

My dinner! :D Albeit not very nice. But the prawns = heavenly! :D

Heh reached home around 10 and immediately sunk down on my bed. Legs were dying. :(

2009-12-18T02:06:00.002+08:00

Thank you, Huishan & Joanne, for the hilarious surprise this morning, for the pillow, for the cake, and for the awesome company during my birthday! :)

More updates tomorrow!

2009-12-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

Two tickets........

but I'll be watching Swan Lake all alone.

:(

Happy birthday to me.

A shout out for all my friends

2009-12-15T23:01:00.003+08:00

The pain is slowly beginning to fade. With each day that pass, I am slowly coming to terms with what I am left with - with the fact that he no longer feels the same way about me as I do for him. But, with every minute that pass, every hour, every day, I've come to realize that the heart always survives. Life goes on, and no matter how much hurt I go through there is always someone ready to wipe the tears away. Like my family, and my friends. :)

My friends are really bloody awesome. Just a few minutes after I changed my FB status to single, Joanne messaged me to ask if I'm okay. A few minutes later, Jennifer messaged me from Indonesia to ask me if I'm okay. I was crying, but after reading the messages, my tears of anguish turned to tears of happiness, because I felt so loved and cared for. :D:D:D:D:D

And when the rest of my friends found out, like Huishan, Carolyn, Juexin, Jolene, Alicia, etc... they immediately asked me if I'm feeling alright, to be strong, and to keep on staying happy, and that they'll always be there for me. Couldn't help but cry! I am so grateful for my friends, they really are my pillar of support and encouragement. I don't know what I'll do without them! :)

And the anonymous comments as well, hehe. It's really lovely to know that someone who doesn't know you, who isn't your friend, who's a complete stranger, is supporting you. :D

So although I'm hurting... it doesn't hurt as much when I think about you guys! :) I really do appreciate it. I love you all! I really do. :D

Weird

2009-12-15T20:53:00.002+08:00

Went out with Alicia and Eileen today! :) Accompanied Alicia for her hair treatment, I patiently waited for her while reading The Truth about Forever by Sarah Dessen. -_- Her hair is so extremely tangled, tsk. Can't even run a comb through it without the comb snagging on some knots in her hair. TSK TSK TSK. Never take care. :P

Anyway went to Hong Kong Cafe to eat, and we were very full. I accompanied them to get their pay for their jobs. :O Then went Far East Plaza to shop. 8) Hehe. They had to leave at 6pm, since they had another job to go to. -_- Workaholics!!!

So I went to Bugis by myself to shop and also to kill time. :B

Pictures up tomorrow, can't be bothered to transfer photos now. Very tired after walking for the whole day. My legs are aching like a bitch. :O

Anyway something weird happened to me while I was on the way home. :B On the MRT, I was engrossed in my book. Suddenly, I heard, Pasir Ris. I suddenly looked up and saw that the train was still moving, so I was like, shit did I miss Tampines?! So I exclaimed SHIT! without knowing I actually exclaimed it. This guy sitting next to me turned to me and asked me, did anything happened? I turned to him and realized I said it aloud, and blushed like a madman, and said I missed my stop! Tampines! Then he stared at me weirdly and said, the next stop is Tampines.

I stared at him and asked, huh then why did I hear Pasir Ris? He said, um, I think you heard, "This train terminates at Pasir Ris." And I was like, OH MY GOD SO EMBARRASSING and started laughing and I apologized for being so silly.

He smiled at me and then said, you have a nice laugh. My eyebrows shot up and I said, thank you. Then it was time for me to alight, so I quickly said bye and alighted.

Ah so weird so weird so weird. Never had a stranger complimented me before, and he sounded so sincere. :O

Oh well.

Things that shouldn't bother me but bothers me anyway

2009-12-15T10:07:00.004+08:00

It bothers me when I'm talking to someone on MSN and throughout the whole conversation, they don't use or rarely use emoticons. Or don't use exclamation marks (in a positive way). It's so scary! So emotionless!

For example, "Let's go out! :)" sounds much friendlier than, "Let's go out!" And "Let's go out!" sounds much friendlier than, "Let's go out." Right?! I'm always skeptical to accept when someone tells me, "Let's go out." They sound so serious! Like when they meet me, they're going to interrogate me or something scary. :(:(:(

And I dare not continue the conversation when they reply with, "._." or "-.-" or "Fine" or "Whatever" because it's so scary as well. "._." is like, what the fuck are you talking about, you bloody retard? "-.-" is like, you're being so fucking annoying, just stop talking to me, sheesh. "Fine" is like, fine, I get it, now fuck off. "Whatever" is like, fuck you. That's how it feels like to me. :x

I know I usually use -_- but it's always directed at actions, not the person itself. So it's not offensive. HAHA. If you get what I mean.

I sound so paranoid, but that's just how I feel........ ok I admit that I'm a little weird. :B I'm scared of talking to people on MSN. It's so... scary. I mean, if you're happy, why don't you show it by using :) or :D or ^^? Seriously, once I talked to a girl, who told me, "I'm happy." I was so freaking scared omg like is she being sarcastic or what?! Is she REALLY happy or is she mocking me?!

So I just replied, ":) Ok that's good! Hey, I'm sorry, but I gtg. Ttyl :D"
And then I appeared offline. :x

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way right........ :B

Juexin's house

2009-12-14T22:38:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, THANK YOU JOLENE GOH FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT TODAY!!!!!! :) Hehe. She's very mean. I went to her house for a while, then we both went to the market near her house to buy snacks. And she was holding something in her mouth and when I grabbed for it (curious what), she smacked my hand away. :(

Hurt my feelings!!

Ahem. Then she told me to go buy the snacks first, she has to go do something. I said okay and went to buy snacks. Then I went outside to meet her, and she has a plastic bag. :O So I reached for it and she smacked my hand away again!!

Double hurt my feelings :(

Then we walked back to her house, and while on the lift, she passed me the plastic bag and said, "Your birthday present."

............ I felt like crying lor!!!!!!!!!!!

Hehehehehehe. I have the best fairy godmother in the world. 8) And my mom, after seeing the note, thought Jolene was an art student. LOL. Woo, Cosmo and Wanda! :D My favourites from Fairly Oddparents. :D

Anyway!!

Went to Juexin's house today! :D Planned to watch movies but they don't like the movies I brought. :( All of them wanted to watch horror movies. I brought romance and comedy movies. LOL. So nevermind, ended up playing Monopoly to pass the time, and taking lots of photos together. ;)

My hair like nice only.

Juexin's brother! He is very cute. Haha.

Irene's so evil, kicked Jueyi in her face! :O

I was looking at Jueyi's camera. :B

My favourite!! :D

Juexin complained that her hair is very short, so I volunteered to lend her my hair (LOL), thus the weird position.

Excuse my hands. I wasn't prepared -_-

Went home around 7pm, because they had to go visit their grandmother. :)

I'm very lazy to upload all the group photos, HAHA. Upload all of them on FB tmr. :B

Family outing on the 13th

2009-12-14T22:09:00.002+08:00

Went out with my mom, my dad, my dad's brother, my dad's brother's wife, my dad's brother's wife's mother, my dad's brother's daughter and my dad's brother's son. LOL. Went to town to buy clothes, and my mom bought tons of clothes for herself. I bought 3 new books for myself. :D We went to City Hall, then Orchard, then Somerset.

The newest shopping mall at Somerset, called 313, has a 4-floors Forever 21. FOUR FLOORS. My jaws dropped. My mom promised to take me there, on the 16th. :D Hehe. Although I don't think I'll be able to buy anything, since my mom says I've enough clothes. And my dad too. :(

I changed my shirt after I realized my dad is also wearing a checkered shirt. -_-

In the MRT.

At Dunkin' Donuts:

At Esprit:

LOL I was like, "Shaan's being squashed by two fatsos" and immediately died after I said that because my mom whacked me on the head and my dad pinched my arms repeatedly. T_T

Birthday celebration with family

2009-12-12T23:16:00.004+08:00

Yeah, 5 more days to my birthday, but my family celebrated it today! :D

HAHAHAHAHA. Got to love my brother and his fail face! :D

My aunt and my mother gossiping about their colleagues -_- So typical of working adults. Except my mother's not working anymore.
Which means she's at home 24/7, and since I've been hiding at home since I've been depressed, it means I've been nagged at 24/7. -_- It's a miracle I'm still surviving and not gone deaf yet. I'm not exaggerating. She calls me every 15 minutes to do some minor chore for her. -____-

But nevermind, I still love my mother. Unconditional love! :D

My birthday cake. :D

"We ordered it because this is your default expression."

It is so not my default expression please! It's always :D or -_-, never :P!

Cutting the cake.

Eating the cake.

Passing the spoons.

HAHA. The most memorable part of today is the BIRTHDAY CARDS I received. I'll blog about them separately, because it's just so SPECIAL. I'm serious. Tomorrow! When I scan them in. ;)

Hehe. I don't know which one is nicer, so upload both lor. 8)

Oh yeah and I was digging through my pictures and found this:

Kawaii nehzxszxs. Didn't know I can enlarge my eyes until so big. LOL.

Look at what Maggie did for me last year for my birthday

2009-12-12T18:55:00.003+08:00

It is the best birthday gift I've ever received.

Or like how I used to say it whenever we talked, the besterest gift ever, from my besterest friend.

HEHEHEHEHE

2009-12-11T23:30:00.004+08:00

Fiddling with Photoshop!

Original picture:

No eyelashes. :(
Lips no colour. :(
Yellow teeth. :(
And a lot of other flaws but I cannot be bothered.

Edited picture:

HAHA ok all I did was add eyelashes and lip colour. And whitened my teeth. Hehehehehe.
And I smoothed my complexion a bit. Hehe.

I decided to change my hair colour and ended up playing -_-

Above are colours that I can never dye my hair, but one can dream, can't she? :p

Wanted to change my eyebrow colour as well, to make it more convincing, but I'm too lazy. x)

Colours that I can dye. I like the first one. :D

Woo it has been a long time since I flooded a post with my face. 8)

Further proof that my brother is an idiot

2009-12-11T17:57:00.003+08:00

As you can see from the picture above, that is my brother and I, when we were both small kids. And as you can also see, he is a blithering idiot and an extreme gamer geek. He is anti-social and does not go out much. In fact, most of the time, he is at home. A few years ago, he was obsessed with his beloved PS2 and played all of the series of Final Fantasy (which is my favourite game of all), and a few other games which are not important (because they're not my favourites). He was also obsessed with the PC, and from Neopets to Runescape to Gunbound to Maplestory, he played them all.

And these couple of years, he has been obsessed with DOTA, WoW, L4D and the likes.

But still, he has done well in school, with a good score for PSLE, a good score for Os, and getting to Temasek Poly, doing Finance and Accounting (a gamer geek + maths nerd omg). What's freaky is that I've never seen him study once in my whole entire life.

Until he went to polytechnic, of course. That was my first time seeing him study hehehe.

However, I guess playing too much games have demented his brains a bit, because look at what he included in his portfolio:

Look carefully at what he wrote for his "Potential".....

...............................................................................................................

-___________________________________________________-

What the hell is wrong with most of you?

2009-12-10T17:10:00.003+08:00

I can't even bloody express my emotions here without being insulted? What kind of bullshit is this? This is my blog, so why the hell can't I say what I want to say?

LOOK. The break up IS my fault, but that doesn't mean I CANNOT be sad about it. What is up with people telling me on MSN that I should stop "pretending to be sad"? What the fuck is wrong with your mentality? The hell I am "pretending" to be sad - I am sad and I did cry and I did lose weight. What the hell are you asking me to apologize for? Apologize for being REAL and HONEST? Are you fucking kidding me?

Like, why the fuck should I apologize for being fucking honest?????

Like I've said before, if you don't know what REALLY happened, don't sprout your assumptions as though you fucking know everything. And stop bothering me, really. I know very clearly what I've done wrong. And I don't think I am bothering him by saying that I am sad. If you're so goddamn paranoid, then I'm not that sad anymore, and I know it is futile to try, so I'm moving on. I'll gain back the weight because I'll start eating again. There, now will you please stop bothering me with your remarks that I am disturbing him or trying to gain pity or attention or whatever bullshit you're coming up with?

Bloody hell, I didn't know such heartless people exist in this world.

Taipei

2009-12-09T17:56:00.003+08:00

Am really lazy to blog about Taipei anymore, so will just upload the remaining photos! :)

Day 5: 011209

So thick omg this is absolutely YUMS. I want to go back to Taipei and have the waffles again :(

Shortly after this picture was taken, while hopping off the trishaw, I fell and landed on the floor. -_-

Browsed through shops and saw these scandalous t-shirts:

I was able to buy this for Jennifer but decided not to because she would probably hit me and tell me that I'm a perverted asshole and then not be my friend ever again :(

But here's a picture anyway hehehehehehee

All the stations have a waiting line, and I've never seen someone out of the line (unless they're sitting down but when they get up, they join the queue at the line wtf). So obedient!

This will be my mom's cue to whisper, "Unlike Singaporeans..."

And they even had a breastfeeding room lolololz. IN THE MRT STATION, MIND YOU. I was like O____O !

I was also very excited on this day because it's just 16 more days to my birthday, but things are not meant to be, after all. :)

Day 6: 021209

We went to Sun Moon Lake via a bus. It is a fucking FIVE hours bus ride wtf.

Happily relaxing.
At Sun Moon Lake...

With my zodiac sign! The dog. :D

Wah my face looks so fat here anyway Auntie Mary took me on a ride!!!!!!!!!!1 This is a motorbike hehehehe.

Woo. 8)

Btw we stayed overnight there.

Day 7: 031209

Caught the sunrise. I saw the sun crept up from the mountains omg it was really beautiful and amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't care, if I ever marry, this will be my honeymoon spot.

Ok lah, maybe not........ because I want to go to Paris. 8)

At the airport!

DO YOU LIKE MY PASSPORT'S COVER??????????

I absolutely love it. :D

Bwahahahaha I used to be so cute!

OK THAT'S ALL.

Sorry, very lazy to blog in details! :P

My mother is so entertaining

2009-12-09T17:33:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, my mother's friend came to visit. They were speaking really loudly, so although I was upstairs, I could still hear them. I choked on my peach tea when I heard what my mom said to her friend, and this is what happened:

Her friend: My husband always try to control me, telling me I should do this and shouldn't do that, telling me I have to change this aspect of myself to be better, and so on and forth. He might be wearing the pants in the relationship, but I wish he actually care about me. Or show some sign of love.
My mom: What? That's horrible! You know what you should tell him the minute you get home?
Her friend: What?
My mom: "You may wear the pants in the relationship, but I control the zipper." Maybe he'll start showing some respect.

....... how can you not laugh?!?!?!??!?!?!

I had to spend the next ten minutes cleaning up my table and keyboard because I spit out my peach tea since I choked. -_-